


Dark enough to see the light

by MartineBishop



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Ahch-To, F/M, Light Side and Dark Side, Plot holes (for better measures), Reylo - Freeform, Romance, Slow Burn, Smut, attempt to keep to IN-character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-13
Updated: 2016-11-03
Packaged: 2018-08-22 06:23:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 23,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8275919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MartineBishop/pseuds/MartineBishop
Summary: Rey tries to train with Luke Skywalker on Ahch-To when Kylo Ren waltzes up on them, alone, unarmed, and with very threadbare excuses why and the first Jedi Temple is in serious danger to be trashed by a young man with a temper because for once, the lies are not told by the one on Dark Side of the Force...





	1. Chapter 1

It took almost four months until she slept through one night without waking up in the darkness, a scream leaving her lungs before she even registered where she was. Every night since Rey had arrived at Ahch-To she had suffered through nightmares. When once, back on the Niima outpost, she could convince herself that nightmares where but dreams, chased away by a new sunrise, this one was different.  
  
This one had been real.  
  
She dreamed of him, the monster in black, his face illuminated by the red glow of his perverted light saber. He came for her, forceful and determined. She dreamed that he killed Finn a hundred different ways: slicing his head off clean, slicing through his body, amputating his legs. Her friend screaming inhumanly while dying slowly, his limbs scattered around him in the snow.

Then he would come for her, with all the ferocity of a mad-man. And in her dreams, the Force did not come to her aid. In these nightmares, she stumbled and fell and saw herself killed by his hand. Although in reality she had defeated him, that battle still woke her up drenched in cold sweat. Every single night.  
  
In the first few weeks of her training with master Luke she had constantly looked over her shoulder, had not been able to meditate more than a couple of minutes. She had felt restless, trapped, anticipating. She knew he _must_ come for her, for them both. In hindsight, Rey doubted the wisdom of coming for Luke Skywalker, all on her own, sending Chewbacca and R2-2D back to Leia along with the Falcon, the only means of transport off the planet.

“Relax, padawan”, Luke told her over and over again with a seemingly infinite patience which, however, began to fray at the edges. It was clear in his voice. Luke sighed when all she did was clench her jaws and rub her tense shoulders. “Ben will not simply sneak up on you”, her master had said. “Do you really think I’d retreat to this place, all alone, without any security systems in place? The reason you don’t see them blinking and beeping is because I want it so. I knew that the Falcon was approaching before you even figured out which island to land on”. Rey had nodded, but neither she nor Luke were fooled into believing that this convinced her at all.

After all, Luke had never told her that Kylo Ren and his Knights wouldn’t find them. He had never said that she was safe here.  
He didn’t tell her lies.  
  
The weeks stretched into months. Rey had found Ahch-To during the planet’s early spring phase, which was now turning into summer. The islands here were constantly battered by a mean breeze that whipped and tore and snatched at her hair and clothes. But now, the planet’s sun became more powerful and its rays warmed the air and that made her training so much easier. For someone who was used to a scorching, desert planet without winter, just a summer and a hotter summer, Rey had had a hard time adjusting to the rough climate here.  

And every day, the air was filled with the constant whine of the wind, the cries of the sea birds and the ocean’s waves crashing against the rocks. Nothing more. No throttling spaceship engines, no blaster fire.

So for the first time in almost four months, Rey woke up to the sun slanting through the makeshift cloth covers of her little hut.

She took a deep breath and smiled, relieved and feeling energized for the first time since she had arrived at Ahch-To. She tied up her hair into her usual three buns, carefully pulling out the two strands over her ears. It was a small vanity, but one she had just gotten used to. There was no mirror to check herself in, but she had rarely ever done that, anyway.

As always, Rey found Luke up and preparing breakfast for them in front of his own hut.  
  
When he looked up, she smiled and gave him a wave of her hand and then remembered that she was his padawan and he was a jedi legend and she folded her lips and nodded respectfully instead. Luke, attired in his usual coarse, well-used tunic, lifted his eyebrows, adding salt to the gruel he was stirring. “You seem well-rested today”, he remarked as Rey settled herself cross-legged on the other side of the small stove.

“I didn’t have any nightmares”.

Luke gave her a nod. He spooned out the clay-coloured soup for them and handed Rey her bowl and a loaf of tasteless flat bread. “So we can complete that meditation lesson you’ve been working on for the last weeks?”, he suggested and Rey held back a sigh. She had hoped she could vent this new energy training on her staff or even the light saber, but she would not argue with her master.

The climb up to the meditation platform - as Rey had come to call it - didn’t wind her anymore. It was one of the highest places on the island and the path from their huts was steep and the wind was always stronger up here. Rey settled into her usual spot and Luke sank down beside her. Since she had confessed to him that his presence next to her eased her mind somewhat, he had begun to go through the lessons along with her, or at least, staying close. It was so much easier now to slide into meditation, to let go of fear and anxiety that hadn’t plagued her this night.  
  
The lesson was simple levitation practise. The roundish stones she was supposed to lift with the Force had lain here for weeks. Undisturbed. And unlifted.  
  
Rey was glad for the extra cape she had taken with her, up to this windy place. Her wardrobe consisted of a mix of her old Jakku clothes, which she could make into useful warps, and some new, practical garments in greys and muted whites. A tunic and simple pants had seemed the wisest choice this morning. She dragged the cape around her shoulders.

Rey focused on her respiration first, concentrating on every breath she took and released. Then she transferred this focus on the stone resting just before her knees. She reached out to it and then the Force channelled through her like a second breath. With her thoughts she showed the Force the stone, coaxed it to wrap itself around the object. The Force flowed freely now through her, unobstructed by anxiety and undisturbed by worries. She breathed deliberately, taking slow, deep breaths, letting the Force ride on the air she released. And then she felt the stone react and budge and finally lift. Her stomach lurched in excitement and she fought it down as not to disturb her concentration. Slowly, she opened her eyes and saw the rock rotate serenely in mid-air. Rey allowed herself a small smile.  
  
And then she felt him like a physical strike in her chest.  
  
As if someone had struck her in the ribs, Rey gasped in surprise, the stone clattered down, bounced and rolled off the ledge. Next to her, Luke jumped to his feet, his eyes trained on the horizon, his hand reaching towards his hip for a light saber that wasn’t there.

Then something in the pocket of Luke’s tunic began to whirr and beep and a frantic red light pulsed through the cloth.

“He’s coming! He found me! He’s coming for me!”. Rey’s voice was high and squeaky and she was almost choked by the sudden fear that flowed right back into her, as if it had only waited for its moment.

Luke didn’t look at her, his eyes fixed on a point in the sky. Then he took out the beeping device. It was a tiny reader, and Rey guessed that it was part of his security system which had gone off moments after she had felt _his_ presence.

None of them had to say his name, none of them had to confirm to the other that this was Kylo Ren who was fast approaching their sanctuary. Both could feel that, bone-deep.  
  
“He’s still not even breached the atmosphere. Get down and get your staff”, Luke told her and he sounded oddly calm and Rey took a breath and nodded. She scrambled down the platform hurriedly, her master right behind her. She didn’t turn and wait for him but dashed to her hut, yanked her staff out and then ran back to Luke. The jedi master had already retrieved his old light saber, holding the unlit shaft in his good hand, angled strangely away from his body.

“What do we do now?”, she asked and she hated herself for her own inability. She had faced down this terrible man alone, on a collapsing planet, untrained, with a weapon she had never wielded before in her life, and she had somehow won. And now she felt like the littlest padawan on her first day on training, green behind the ears and completely helpless.  
  
“We breathe”, said Luke, “and we concentrate on that breathing. Those meditation lessons have a reason, Rey, and they are crucial for combat”. Rey wished he had told earlier how exactly meditation was ‘crucial for combat’, but then she remembered that she had done exactly that when Kylo Ren had had her cornered on Starkiller Base. She had breathed and the Force had come to her.

So Rey took deliberate breath after deliberate breath as she watched the black TIE fighter break through the atmosphere in smoke and fire.

There was only one spot on this Ahch-To island to land a ship on, and that was where Chewbacca had alighted the Millennium Falcon. Their huts stood on the hill that overlooked the platform and so Luke and Rey watched from their higher vantage point as the fighter touched down on the outcrop below.  
  
“Should we not hide? You know, the advantage of surprise or something?”, she asked, too frantic despite her efforts to fight down her fear.  
  
But Luke shook his head. “We already have the advantage. We’re two, he’s alone”.  
  
“How do you know that? That TIE fighter can hold two humanoids, what if he brought someone else with him? Or a droid? Or-”, but Rey fell silent as the TIE fighter’s cockpit hatch swung open. One single figure, clad in black and hooded, climbed out and unceremoniously dropped to the ground.

“Oh _kriff_ ”, Rey swore and subconsciously moved into attack stance, holding her staff at the ready. Next to her, Luke shot out a hand as if to hold her back.

The man lifted his head towards them, the sun bouncing off the black and silver metal mask he wore. He stared directly at Luke and Rey.

Without further ado, he made his way uphill towards them, and for a moment, Rey felt sickened that this monster took the same sacred stairs to the first Jedi Temple she had taken only some weeks ago. Already the place felt corrupted, merely by the fact that Kylo Ren’s feet had touched its ground.

Luke moved a step in front of her, spreading out his legs; his light saber remaining unlit.  
  
When Kylo Ren’s head came into view, Rey bit the inside of her cheek, checking for one last, desperate time that this wasn’t one of her nightmares.  
  
Kylo had crested the hill completely, facing them levelly. He had stopped some 30 feet from Rey and Luke and made no move to draw a weapon and no one else, not even a small droid, seemed to follow him. He just stood there silently, hood up, his mask betraying nothing.

“Hello, Ben”, Luke said eventually.  
  
“You knew I would come to find you”, Kylo Ren answered and unspoken question, his dark voice distorted by the mask’s modulator. Then he swung his head to the side, ever so minutely. “Scavenger”, he added and Rey’s hairs stood up on her arms.

“If you try to hurt her, or, me, you will fail”, Luke continued calmly.  
  
“I’ve hurt you before, Skywalker”, Kylo Ren said, his modulated voice betraying no emotions. “What makes you think I cannot defeat you again?”.  
  
Luke barked a laugh that held no humour. “Look around you, Ben!”, he said, shaking his head as if in disbelief of a particularly stupid padawan. “This place is _infused_ with Light. This is the first Jedi Temple, boy. Generations of jedis have sculpted this place. With their presence, with the Force. The _Light_ side of the Force”.  
  
For a while, Kylo Ren said nothing, but he clenched his gloved right hand into a fist. Rey felt satisfaction to believe he was taken aback. From what she had learned of this man she could guess that he was prone to rush into things, sacrificing a careful plan for heady haste.

“Then you will be relieved to hear I’ve not come to kill you”, Kylo finally told them. “Besides, by now you will have figured out that I am alone”.  
  
“Then why have you come?”, Rey asked him, shouting the question in hopes to mask her fear.  
  
Kylo Ren swung his head towards her once again, and Rey could feel him staring at her even with the ghastly helmet that hid his features.  
  
“So you’ve found your voice after all”, he all but sneered. “I already told you, Scavenger. You need a teacher”.  
  
Rey couldn’t keep her jaw from dropping. “You have _got_ to be kidding me”, she blurted out. “That is the … _stupidest_ , most unimaginative see-through lie you could’ve come up with!”. Shock quickly turned to anger which pushed her fear to the background.

Kylo Ren shrugged. “That is precisely why it’s not a lie”.

Rey shook her head. How could he waltz up here, and casually claim that he simply came to teach her? Just like that?

“She already has a teacher”, Luke told him.

“This is a shuttle-load of bantha shit!”, Rey flung at the masked man across them. “You’re just buying time until the rest of the First Order arrives, hoping to take us by surprise! You triggered Master Luke’s warning systems, giving us no time to reset them. You’re hoping we’d deign you with enough attention not to watch for the fleet of Star Destroyers following you. Am I right? Am I?”. She was gripping her staff so hard it suddenly hurt. She relaxed her grip and huffed.

Kylo Ren shook his head and chuckled humorously – or at least that was what the dubious noise sounded like.  
“Is that the way a proper jedi of the Light Side of the Force behaves?”.

Rey clenched her jaw and nearly bit her tongue bloody to keep herself from flinging another heated retort at him. She flickered her gaze towards Luke, who stood to her left, composed and so in control.

“You will accompany us back down to your ship”, her master broke the argument and gave Kylo Ren a nod with his chin.

Kylo inclined his head. “If that makes you happy”, he retorted and did indeed turn around to head back the way he had come.

Rey and Luke followed the black-clad man down to the fighter. He gestured towards the shuttle. “Check the ship”, he offered. “You will find that there neither is nor has been any com link to the First Order or even a beacon”. He clasped his hands behind his back.

“No”, said Luke, lifted his hand and without warning, levitated the TIE fighter up into the air and flung it far out into the ocean with a flick of his wrist.

Kylo Ren’s composure dropped then. “What in the … !”, he shouted in disbelief. “Do you realise what you’ve _don_ e, you senile old man? No-one gets off this rock now! That was the _only_ ship here!”.

Luke lifted a shoulder. “I know”, he said simply. He sounded smug.

Rey allowed a smirk to crawl over her face.

Kylo Ren threw his hands into the air and turned on his heels to face the ocean. “My _stuff_ was in there!”, he murmured but it was still loud enough for Rey to hear. He held out a hand towards the spot where the fighter had sunken into the waves.

Rey took a tiny, surprised breath when she felt the waves of Force racing towards the man. He was tapping into it with all his fury and she felt it running around her and to him, _into_ him. It was still the same power she drew from, but as soon as it neared his body, its essence changed. ‘Red’ was the word she suddenly associated with it. Red and glowing; a menace, a destructive power. Like his light saber.  
  
Obviously, he was trying to Force-lift his ship back from the ocean.

Luke watched him silently. He pursed his lips, looking almost amused and said: “I’ve tried that once, you know”. Rey looked up at him in surprise, not understanding how he could be so calm, even entertained by this man.

Then something struck her and she physically kept herself from smacking her palm against her forehead. “His light saber”, Rey hissed urgently, hoping Kylo Ren wouldn’t hear her. “I’m certain he has it on him”.

Kylo Ren, occupied with the effort of lifting his TIE out of the water, did react fast – but not fast enough. His light saber flew from the concealing folds of his robe straight into Luke Skywalker’s good hand.

Kylo cursed, dropped his hand and whipped around to face them.

“What, did you think we’d leave you armed?” Luke challenged him.

“And did you think you could take hold of a light saber of my own making, attuned to me?”, Kylo countered, stretched his arm out and the saber ripped itself free from Luke’s grip and shot back into the hand of its owner.

Rey clenched her teeth and swept her foot back into an attack stance. “So you _do_ want to fight us!”, she called and gave her staff a half-whirl. Just as well they got it over with now, ending this game of verbally circling each other and throwing things around with the Force.

Kylo huffed under his mask. “I need it to ward off little scavengers with too much self-confidence”, he retorted and with a jerk of his hand, the saber ignited.

Rey felt a wave of nausea wash over her. It was all she could do not to cringe back. And she didn’t even have a light saber herself… Truth was, that red blade would slice through her staff like a knife through butter. She flared her nostrils and shoved back the fear. “Well, come _on_ , then!” She took a brave step forward.

But he didn’t move. Instead, with another flick of his wrist, Kylo Ren retracted the blade and hefted the shaft onto its place at his hip. He swept back the hood of his cloak, pressed his hands to the sides of his helmet and Rey heard, once more, the click and hiss of the mask unfolding. He slid it off, his hair flowing out and down to his shoulders.

They said that Kylo Ren wore the mask because he strove so hard to become like Darth Vader. Rey had looked into that naked face, up close, more than once, and she personally thought that he wore that mask because his face gave away his emotions so easily.

But his face was still and composed now, carefully hiding his feelings.

Kylo dropped the helmet to the ground and it made a loud, metallic _clank_.

Next to her, Luke drew in a sharp breath. “You still look so much like your mother, Ben”, he murmured and Rey didn’t think he had even wanted to say that out loud.

Kylo Ren narrowed his eyes, his dismay at the comment now clear across his face. He kept his silence, though, and instead looked at Rey once more.

“I didn’t lie. Read me. Read me like you did back on my ship”, he offered her and held his hands out to the side, palms up.

Rey hesitated. She flickered her gaze up to Luke, hoping to find in his features some kind of sign what she should do. But Luke betrayed nothing.

Kylo Ren sighed impatiently and walked over to them in a brisk stride. Rey brought up her staff and Luke fell into stance next to her. Kylo whipped out his light saber without igniting it, setting Rey on edge. “Here”, he said and offered the weapon to Rey.  

On first instinct, Rey took a step back. She wanted nothing to do with the weapon who had almost killed her, who had almost killed Finn. Besides, Kylo could summon the thing back any time he wanted, to what good was it to give it away anyway?

Luke’s robotic hand closed around the hilt. “You know what’s not so bad about losing this arm?”, he asked. “This one has three times the strength of the old one. If I hold your saber like this…”. He didn’t need to expand. Kylo Ren’s nostrils flared and Rey could see the anger at Luke’s condescending tone on Kylo’s face.

The black-clad man swung his gaze back to her. “Do it”, he told her.

Rey swallowed. Tentatively, she reached up, fingers shrinking back from Kylo Ren’s skin. She knew she didn’t need physical contact to access his mind, but untrained as she was, she figured it might help.

The tips of her fingers touched his sweaty skin. His face was warmer than it should be, from the heat beneath the mask, she guessed. He closed his eyes under her touch and it was such a strange gesture of almost-trust, that Rey was momentarily unbalanced. With skin-to-skin contact, she didn’t need to close her own eyes for concentration. It was almost as if Kylo Ren _thrusted_ his thoughts at her, willingly opening a channel between them.

Where other people were full of thought, this man seemed to fuel himself on emotions. Incoherent pictures hurled towards her, tinted in colours of red and black and with metallic sheens and dark, cold stones. There was fear, the fear she had seen in him before, of never being worthy enough for Vader, not being strong enough and so purged of all emotions that would hold him back.

There was an image of a strange man-creature, bald and scarred and _immense_ in more than physical appearance. Feelings of attachment clung to this creature, a definite dependence, an obedience. Kylo Ren felt a fierce and devouring love-hate for the thing, one that irritated and scared Rey.

She groped deeper, sifted through the chaos of Kylo’s emotion-laced mind, tried to turn corners like a hare, in case he hid something there. The deeper she went, the farther back in his memories she travelled. There were fragments of his childhood, tugged away deeply, as if he didn’t want to think of those too often, or maybe never again. She saw Leia’s youthful face as she bent over a young Ben, all smiles, and he giggled and she laughed aloud. With a force, this image was thrust to the side by Kylo himself. Rey shrank back, automatically moving out once more. But how ever thoroughly she probed, she could not find any hints that the First Order was waiting on the borders of their star system, or that they even knew Kylo was gone.

“They don’t even know you’re here!”, Rey breathed in surprise and felt Kylo shake his head under her touch.

One last time she ventured determinedly into his mind. There were still areas that he kept obscured from her, not locked, but hidden in something like a dense haze, shrouding whatever he didn’t want her to see. But Rey could feel that these places had nothing to do with what she was looking for, he was not hiding any attack plans here. More like … wishes? Desires? It rang like this, very private, very small, kept in mists even from himself most of the time.

Then she felt his hand close around her wrist and she jerked away her fingers with a gasp. Rey took an instinctive step back, but Kylo Ren held on to her.  
  
“Have you satisfied your curiosity?”, he asked her and the hints of an amused smile played ever so slightly around the corners of his mouth.

With a final tug, Rey freed her wrist from his grasp. She sniffed.  
“You could explain now, properly, why the kriff you’re here”, she told him.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kylo didn't think this through. Too bad. 
> 
> Also, I hope you like the story so far. It's not beta-ed, so please look kindly on any mistakes.


	2. Chapter 2

They sat around the small metal stove that still held the remains of their breakfast. Chewbacca had left it for them, he had found it somewhere on the Falcon. It was powered on sun energy and had been a blessing that Luke never admitted to.

Kylo Ren sat with his back against the wall of Luke’s hut, his arms crossed in front of his chest. Luke still held the red light saber in his robotic hand, sitting opposite from their visitor. As far as Rey could tell, Kylo hadn’t made any attempt to Force the weapon back to him. He did, however, flicker his eyes towards it occasionally.

“Well?”, Rey said, not trusting the guy enough to sit down herself. Easier to strike while standing up.

“How often do you want me to repeat it?”, Kylo said, annoyance easy to hear in his voice. “I’m here to teach you”.

“So you said”, Rey retorted”, “but _why_ by all the stars?”

A shadow of insecurity crossed over Kylo Ren’s face, only for a second, but his open features couldn’t hide it. “Luke Skywalker cannot train you the way I can”.

“He can teach me all I need to know, of the _Light_ Side-“, Rey started but Kylo Ren silenced her with a wave of the hand.

“I don’t mean that”, he said impatiently. Kylo sat forward, steepling his fingers. “I first thought you were but a ripple, a random jedi surfacing somewhere, but when we locked minds – you felt it too, didn’t you?”

Rey drew her brows together. _Don’t be afraid, I feel it too_ , he had said, in this interrogation chamber, when he had invaded her mind.

“Felt what?”, she retorted, cocking her chin at him defiantly.

Kylo Ren sat back with a sigh. He looked at her, silently, intensely. She met his gaze bravely, but eventually, she turned away from him. Rey drew her lips together into a line.

She had felt it. Clear as water, surging between them. It had scared her immensely, and, even now, still left her insecure. There was a connection between her and the monster of a person who had strapped her to a table with all intentions of killing her.  
What by all the gods _connected_ her to this man? She hadn’t understood, so she had shoved it away, concentrating instead of keeping him out of her thoughts.

But when he had let her into his own mind, down by the platform, it had been too easy. Too familiar.

“What was it?”, Rey finally gave in, though reluctantly.

Kylo Ren tilted his head, his thoughtful eyes resting on her face. It rather made Rey wish he’d put his mask back on.

“I don’t know”, Kylo admitted. “Yet”, he added and it made Rey’s skin crawl.

“What, so I’m an experiment now? A-a lab-rat?”.

“Don’t you want to know? Are you not in the least bit curious?”, Kylo asked her. “And no, if you think I want to perform some kind of clinical experiments on you, slicing you open – that doesn’t work. We tried it on jedis”.

Rey drew her face up into a disgusted snarl. “You’re awful”, was all she managed to retort to that.

“Well, he can’t get off the planet”, Luke interrupted them.

“You’re _not_ suggesting he’ll be my teacher!” Rey faced him in alarm.

“I’m not, padawan”, Luke assured her, holding up his hands. “But he cannot leave unless he’s fetched”.

Rey ran a hand across her face. “ _Why_ did you have to disassemble your ship again?”, she sighed, but realised belated who she was talking to and jumped. “I’m sorry, Master”, she mumbled, dipping her head.

Kylo Ren observed them with amusement in his eyes. “He never got to make me do that”, he offered and Rey shot him a look.

“But he’s right”, Luke said to her. “I feel it, there is a connection running between the two of you, one that is entirely linked to the Force. It’s not exactly a Force bond, not this quickly, not between two … like you”. He shook his head as if thinking to himself. “I suggest Ben takes one of the empty huts around here and you and I take turns with the watch and tomorrow we’ll see how he can make himself useful”.

Kylo Ren shrugged. “You threw everything I brought with me into the ocean. My clothes, food, my pallet, covers…”

“All right, we’ll find something for you to sleep on”, Luke interrupted him and for the first time, Rey heard real annoyance in her master’s voice.

In the end, Luke volunteered a thin pallet and some larger pieces of cloth he kept to sew into covers or clothes or whatever was needed at the moment. Kylo Ren took them and disappeared into a hut that stood roughly between Rey’s and her master’s, if a little way back. When he emerged again, empty handed, he settled himself in front of the uncovered door and seemed to fall into immediate meditation.

Luke pinched the bridge of his nose. “I’ll take first watch”, he offered and if to betray his own words, Rey heard the fatigue in his voice.

Her eyes went to Kylo’s light saber, still clutched in the jedi master’s hand. “What do we do with this? You can’t hold onto it all the time”.

“No, but I’ve an idea”, Luke said and went into his own hut. She heard him rummage around and when he came out again, he held several pieces of metal and wires and a set of tools. “Here”, he told her and dumped the junk, along with the light saber, into Rey’s hands. “Find one of the little caves in the stone for the light saber. Then set up a security system and a force field around it. If he ever tries to summon it, or just wants to pluck it out of that cave, we’ll at least know”.

Rey smirked. “I’ll add an electroshocking device as well”, she added.

\-----------

When Rey crawled out of her bed as the first tentative light of the new day reached through her window, she found Kylo Ren still sitting in meditation in front of his hut. He didn’t seem to have moved, let alone slept properly. He hadn’t budged an inch during her watch, had not even reacted when she had muttered all sorts of insults in various galactic languages at him under her breath.

Luke and she broke their fast as always. He then bid her take the wooden training saber he had crafted after she arrived and practise basic moves with it. Rey bit back a question about whatever happened to meditation training so suddenly, but she already knew the answer. With Kylo Ren literally at their backs, there was no way she would be able to meditate anyway.

Instead of moving to the proper training grounds on the other side of the little island, Luke made her practise right in front of their huts so both of them could keep an eye on their ‘guest’.

Rey’s gaze flickered over to Kylo Ren. He sat there looking relaxed and serene, eyes closed. Rey envied him the ability to drop into meditation so easily when only the thought of him had prevented her from any notable achievement.

Then she wretched her eyes and mind determinedly off the man, took a deep breath and focused on patterns Luke wanted her to rehearse. For a while that actually worked and she mentally patted herself on the back.

“Not so bad, but when I was your age, I could already do _much_ better”.

Rey half jumped out of her skin and turned to face Kylo Ren. He stood a couple of feet away, a canteen with water in his hand.

“Shut up!”, she snapped at him irritably, heat rising in her cheeks. How did he sneak up on her like that? “Go back to meditation or something!”

“Why don’t you meditate?”, Kylo Ren asked, sounding curious. “Watching you careen like this, I’d say you haven’t even gotten past the basics yet. You should still be levitating rocks”. He took a sip of water.

“How can I do that with you around?”, Rey retorted.

The canteen hid the smile on his lips from her, but his eyes gave him away.  
“What, do I make you that nervous?”, he asked in a low voice.  
  
“Stop sneaking up on me, for starters”. Rey gave a huff and looked around for Luke.

“He’s fetching water”, Kylo read her thoughts. “Looks like he thinks you can handle me on your own”.

“Or maybe he realises you’re not as mighty as you think you are”, Rey shot back, facing him.

Kylo Ren sat the canteen carefully down on the rock next to him. He unfastened his cloak and simply let it drop to the ground.

“Shall we test that?”, he offered and advanced on her, his eyes never leaving her face.

Rey’s gaze flickered to where she had hidden his saber the night before and she cursed herself for giving away this hint. But then again, Kylo Ren would know _exactly_ where his saber was. Though he probably didn’t know of all the clever little traps she had added to its ‘confines’.

Rey took a step back. “If you want to trick me into training with you, I won’t be fooled”, she warned him.

“I’m not tricking you”, Kylo Ren replied and halted. It sounded strangely hurt, and hurt also chased for a second over his face.

“Here, give me the stick and you take your staff. I just want to know how good you are with your own weapon”, he offered and held out a hand.

“Sure, so you can estimate my abilities and that makes it all the easier for you to sneak up on me unaware one of these days”. How stupid did he think she was?

Kylo Ren was not a patient man. He actually growled and then, suddenly, stormed towards her. Rey yanked up her training saber with a surprised yell. He broke through her defences in a heartbeat. Although she had the advantage of a weapon, he had all the speed and certainty of a well-trained fighter. His moves were smooth and liquid and he used the edges of his hands to drive home solid hits, against her hip, her back, her arm, making her drop the wooden blade eventually. Rey jumped out of his reach then, stepping into a defensive crouch. He circled back, a smirk on his face.

“I correct myself. You’re terrible with a saber, scavenger”, he told her.

Rey gave an enraged yell. “Fine, _Ben_!”, she spat at him. “I’ll show you what a _terrible_ fighter I am!” and she raced off to her hut, snatching her staff off its place by the wall.

When she returned, Kylo Ren had already picked up the wooden blade she had dropped and waited for her, poised in a stance she didn’t recognize. She glared at him and without further ado she threw herself into a full-force attack against him. He blocked her, but not as surely as he had a moment ago. She had trained with the staff for most of her life. It was a second limb to her, an extension of herself, weighed and sculpted explicitly for her. Kylo might be skilled with a light saber, but the stick was a sorry excuse for the real thing, and she could quickly deduct that he tried to employ a crossguard that wasn’t there.

They sprang apart and stormed each other in a flurry of hollow _whacks,_ wood against metal. Kylo was more alert now, realising that he wasn’t in for an easy victory. She saw how the lines of his face were drawn into concentration and beads of sweat began to form on his forehead. She felt the first drops of perspiration running down her temples and her back.

Rey felt triumph well up in her when she was able to land hit after hit. She didn’t hold back and each connection of her staff with Kylo Ren’s body felt immensely satisfying.  Still, her opponent, too, landed his share of strikes on her.

They were both panting, circling one another.   
“Good, very good. You just need to work on your defence. Here let me-“, Kylo Ren said, taking a step forward.

Rey stepped back the same instant, anger welling up in her. “Stop it!”, she demanded and he actually did stop dead in his tracks. “Stop teaching me! You say you don’t want to trick me? Well, you tricked me into sparring with you, didn’t you?”. She was surprised at how angered she felt by this. Shouldn’t she have anticipated this from the start? That _nothing_ Kylo Ren said could be trusted for even a heartbeat? But when he had showed her his mind, so willingly, so eagerly, there was no deceit …

“Suite yourself then!”, Kylo Ren spat back at her and she was shocked of the rage that was clear as day in his eyes and his distorted features. He gripped the practise saber hard, his gloved hand making creaking noises on the wood. He let out a wordless yell, turned around and smashed the stick against the nearest rock. It snapped audibly into two. The remaining part he threw against the side of Luke’s hut where it bounced off and then he disappeared into his own stone room.

Rey stood taken aback and, admittedly, scared where he had left her. Muffled _thumps_ came from the hut and an occasional yell of rage.

Rey shook her head, carefully edging forward. Only now did she understand how hard Kylo Ren had held back since he had arrived. So calm, so composed at all that they had accused him of. Taking his ship, taking his weapon. Rey gulped. Maybe that hadn’t been such a brilliant idea, stripping him of everything he came with short of his clothes.

When she peered into the hut, Kylo Ren stood with his arms outstretched, palms against the wall and his head sunken between his shoulders. His knuckles were ruined messes, blood dripping over the edges of his hands to the ground. His chest heaved as he drew in air, his locks dampened with sweat.

“What is _wrong_ with you?”, Rey asked and it came out laced with more disgust than she had intended.

Kylo’s head snapped around and once more, he didn’t even bother to hide his feelings. Hurt and anger chased each other across his features.

“I have been nothing but honest to you since I came her. Since the _first_ time we met! Why do deny yourself everything that could make you so much stronger?”, he panted.

Rey looked at him incredulously. “Do you not see?”, she breathed. “This kind of thinking is exactly the quickest way to the Dark Side! Master Luke taught me enough to know its temptations. It’s so easy, isn’t it? Just let your emotions rule you. Give in to every desire, no restraint”. She shook her head. “I do not want that”.

Kylo Ren looked at her over his left arm, hands still pressed to the wall. Exhaustion had drawn its lines on his face.   
“You could _never_ end up on the Dark Side, scavenger”. His voice was low and quiet and bare all the hatred she expected there. “Not you. You shine _so_ bright with the Light”.

Rey swallowed. She felt their strange Force connection flare up, all of a sudden, and it dizzied her.

Kylo Ren felt it too, because a visible shudder went through him and he took a deep, involuntary breath. He kept glaring at her. “All I want from you is that you let me find out what this … _thing_ is between us. Why it keeps-“, he stopped and turned his head away.

“Is this why I have dreamed of you every single night?”, she asked him, her voice small and she felt like she was giving away far too much of herself.

Kylo Ren peered at her again, raising one eyebrow. “You dream of me?”, he asked and his voice was so full of suggestions that Rey felt heat rising to her cheeks.

“Nightmares”, she corrected him heatedly. “I have had nightmares of you! I thought they were because-“ _because I was_ so bloody _scared when we fought on Starkiller Base, so terrified when you pillaged my mind!_ She thought but bit down on the words.

He pushed himself off the wall and turned to face Rey, his dark eyes black in the shadows of the room. “I dream about you too. But they aren’t nightmares at all”, he told her quietly and then, without further ado, he turned around to crouch down, busying himself with the pallet and the clothes he had thrown there last night.

When he didn’t give any indication of acknowledging her existence for the moment, Rey turned and left him.

Her cheeks were burning and she was telling herself that it was from their sparring still, but she knew quite well it was not only that. He was getting into her mind far too easily, far too quickly. She absently pressed her hand to her breasts where the aftermath of the connection still throbbed.

Luke was waiting where she was supposed to be training. He had hauled fresh water from a little stream that ran into a pond some two miles from their settlement. They collected rainwater as well, but now that summer was approaching, the rains became sparser.

For some reason, Rey couldn’t quite look him in the eyes. She propped her staff up against her master’s hut and gave him a silent nod. He had collected the broken remains of her training saber and had placed them on the makeshift table he had once fashioned from rocks and woven bark.

“What happened here, padawan?”, he demanded calmly.

“Kylo Ren happened”, Rey replied.

Luke glanced at her staff. “You were supposed to go through the attack patters with a _saber_. Instead you handed Ben your weapon and engaged with him in a fight?”. His eyes landed on her upper arm where bruises already blossomed colourfully.

When Rey finally did meet his eyes she cringed back from the disappointment she saw there. She quickly lowered her gaze back to the ground, studying a patch of grass instead.

“He attacked me. I needed to defend myself”, she said defiantly.

“No, you could have refused him. Could have stood down. Instead you gave in to your emotions”.

Something in Rey’s belly contracted, leaving her slightly nauseous. She knew what her master was saying. She had said it herself only moments before.

“I won’t defect to the Dark Side”, she whispered. “I _know_ I won’t. I’ve seen what they do, Master Luke. I won’t – I _can’t_ \- become like them. Like him”.

Luke sighed and nodded slowly. “Don’t let him think he’s in control here. You’re in control. He is defenceless, here, in the first Jedi Temple. His darkness has no footing in this place”. He gave her a meaningful glook and then pushed himself off his rural table. “Anyway, Ben can’t just wreck my weapons like that”, Luke murmured and made his way towards Kylo Ren’s hut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two things were probably inevitable: they fight and Kylo Ren trashes stuff.  
> Also, you get a free rating update to "explicit", yay! (for later stuff that is also inevitable ;)).  
> Thank you for all the lovely comments and kudos <3! I'm happy I can make you happy with this story and I hope you'll stick with me.


	3. Chapter 3

Kylo Ren hadn’t even put up much of a protest. Rey had expected another tantrum, wisely hiding her staff back in her hut and out of reach of a pissed Kylo. Instead, he had only pondered Luke’s demand for a while – for it hadn’t been an offer, it was not negotiable – and then inclined his head in acceptance. 

They watched him row away in the small, very simple boat that Luke had made from a single tree trunk.

“What if he doesn’t come back?”, Rey asked her master, but the moment she spoke the words, she knew the answer herself.

“He comes back”, was all that Luke said.

No trees grew on the Temple’s island. There had been trees here, once, a very long time ago. But as the jedi population grew, the trees had to yield to their numbers. With only weak shrub with superficial, small roots to hold the earth together, the wind could whisk away the soil, invisibly but constantly. Until not enough earth was left for any proper trees to root in. On the neighbouring island, however, a small coniferous forest had bested the jedis and the wind.

“He broke the saber, he makes a new one”, Luke had said and that was that.

\-----------

Evening found Rey surprisingly quick. With Kylo Ren off the island, she could concentrate much better. Since no light saber training was possible for the moment, Luke had ordered her back to meditation and stone levitation and she found she didn’t even mind. In fact, it wasn’t so hard now to slip into the peace of mind she needed for the exercise. It was then that Rey realized what had kept her from achieving this: the constant anticipation of Kylo’s arrival on Ahch-To, the numerous scenarios in which he could have shot them, struck them down, abducted them, tortured them. But now he was here, rowing a boat towards a forest, and he had a very small chance of seriously hurting them. Rey drew a breath, eased her muscles and made three stones lift into the air.

When a beautiful sunset blazed across the horizon in vivid yellows, oranges, pinks and red, she made her way back to her master’s hut.   
  
Luke was preparing dinner. Rey had offered, in the beginning, to see to these labours, as she felt a padawan should help her master with things like cooking, hauling water, and other household stuff. But she had come to realize that Luke actually liked cooking. And perhaps, he also liked the solitary every now and then.

The sun had fully set by the time they finished their filling but simple meal of cooked fish and some kind of seaweed salad.

“The wood is tough; I don’t think we can expect him back tonight. And I don’t think he’ll row back in darkness, anyway. I didn’t give him a lamp”.

Rey eyed Luke. “How can you be so very calm, master? He once slaughtered your students … And he keeps killing“.

Luke gazed out over the dark ocean and for a while he didn’t answer.

“Ben was young, when he … left my academy. And like all young boys, he thought he was invincible and he was the sort of person who was always trailing two or three cronies. But he was never in control. He was always being controlled. By his emotions, by me, by whomever his master is now. Oh, he is strong in the Force, that is undoubtable, but no-one can wield even the most powerful weapon when he’s insecure. Ben needs to be told he’s good, he needs constant confirmation. We all couldn’t give him what he wanted so badly, neither me, nor his parents. And then there was someone, some _thing_ from the Dark Side and it told Ben what he needed to hear.”

Rey thought back to her mind-link with Kylo Ren the day before, the large presence she had seen there, connected to those bitter-sweet emotions. Kylo had wanted to please it, to be loved by it, when at the same time he hated the creature -and himself- for his dependence on it.

“But he’s still reeling, still fighting”, Luke continued. “With himself, with people around him. He hasn’t become any more stable than the last time I saw him. I still see so much of impulsive Han in him. And the stern looks of my sister. Darkness has eaten itself into his heart, yes, but where if not here, the one place in the universe overflowing with Light, can I attempt to make it right with Ben this time?”

Luke fell silent and stared out towards the horizon where Kylo Ren had rowed off earlier that day. 

Eventually, he got up and started to clear away the bowls and fish bones. “Go to bed, Rey. I can see you’re tired”, he told her. She still helped him clean the cutlery, but the aches from her earlier sparring with Kylo Ren protested sharply. Rey winced and made for her hut.

She didn’t bother to make light when she stretched out under the blankets. The hut was a single room, and since she hadn’t arrived with a lot of luggage, it was still sparse despite its small size. Rey reached up and slid one hand under her pillow. Her fingers closed around the small, cold device she kept hidden there. She held it up with both hands in front of her eyes, not really seeing it but she didn’t need to. It was a simple and clean design. She let her forefinger run over its smooth edges, over the single button in its centre. Leia Organa had given it to her before Rey had left for Ahch-To.

“Luke tends to be a bit extreme sometimes”, she had told Rey. “I don’t want you stranded on an island with no means of coming home”.

“Home?”, Rey had asked.

“This base can be a home for you, if you want it to be”. The general had smiled at her, the Force softly emanating from her in warm waves.

Rey’s eyes adjusted to the darkness and she could now make out the homing beacon’s shape. It was simple, really. She pressed the button and the Resistance would get a signal and it wouldn’t take them more than two days to reach her. She could go back; to friends, to the promise of a home.  
  
Or they could take Kylo Ren away. He’d be a valuable prisoner. The secrets he could tell them, the information this mind held would be like a jackpot to the Resistance. And then Rey would know that he was in a holding cell, guarded, locked away, far from Ahch-To.

The Force connection suddenly sent a tingling spike through her chest. Rey drew her brows together. Was it flaring up simply because she had vaguely thought about Kylo Ren? Had it become that sensitive now?

For some reason, Rey still expected pain to come with it, although, in truth, it had never hurt. Instead, a sudden yearning washed through her, an ache that reverberated in her bones.

She knew this feeling; she knew it better than anyone. She had scratched every single day of longing for her parents into the hull of the wreck she had called a home on Jakku. 

Kylo Ren was missing someone, and his yearning raced along their Force connection. _Don’t be afraid, I feel it too._ Was this what their strange bond was feeding on? The craving for someone?

Rey stuffed the homing beacon back under her pillow, its button unpressed.

She turned to the side and squeezed her eyes shut. The connection was still wide open, because Kylo Ren didn’t keep his feelings in check, didn’t fight them down and didn’t care that she felt them too. His longing was a pulsing blend of want for someone, a person, and then suddenly for just an emotion. It was incomprehensible to Rey, for there were no coherent images, and the mix of this physical thing and the abstraction of an emotion, mashed together into one, flooded her mind and her body. It pooled in her lap, a spreading warmth, sweet and aching and Rey gasped and tossed herself to the other side.

“No! Stop!”, she cried out and sat up. She pushed her face deep into the palms of her hands, forcing her breathing down and with all the strength she could muster, she shoved _back_ at the connection, pushing it away from her. The onslaught of Kylo’s undefined desire buckled and then slowly trickled away.

Rey let her head fall forward and rested her brow on her drawn-up knees. For a while, she just breathed until her chest wasn’t aching any more. She had broken their bond successfully, for now, but the aftermath still left her shaken.

Rey rolled herself back into the covers, drawing her knees to her chest, determinedly ignoring her body’s demands.

So much for not letting Kylo Ren get into her head.

\-----------

Luke’s little boat bumped against their island’s tiny and only beach around noon the next day. Luke and Rey both watched the vessel approach from the meditation outcrop and waited by the sand for Kylo Ren when he dragged the boat out of the water.

“Here”, he said and tossed Luke the tools he had lent him, followed by a crude stick of wood. “You could’ve provided me a lamp; I would’ve been faster”.

Luke transferred most of the tools over to Rey but kept Kylo’s training saber for closer inspection. “It has a jagged crossguard”, he remarked, clearly not amused, and Kylo Ren displayed a dark grin.

“You didn’t specify how it should look”, he retorted and dragged the boat all the way out of the water. He dropped it where the turf rose up in a step and walked past Luke to stand before Rey. He crossed his arms in front of his chest and regarded her levelly. Her treacherous thoughts slipped back to last night, and she averted her eyes from the man in front of her.

“So, have you snapped out of it, scavenger?”, he asked.

Rey made a face. “I’ve no idea what you’re talking about”.

“Are you going to throw a tantrum now every time I talk to you?”

She laughed dryly. “ _I_ throw a tantrum? Who shredded his knuckles last night on a _stone wall_?”. Her eyes flickered to Kylo Ren’s hands, but he had his black gloves on. She wondered if he had even treated the wounds.

Kylo made an annoyed sound and stalked past her without another word. “I’m hungry”, he announced.

\-----------

They weren’t trying to starve him, not even the First Order did that to their prisoners. Luke had put a bowl of morning-gruel out for Kylo Ren and had packed him dried fish rations for his trip to the forest island. It hadn’t been a lot of fish, though.

Kylo didn’t volunteer to help with the food, nor did Luke ask him to. So Rey kept her silence and prepared a pot of mussels together with her master. The shrubs on the island yielded small, hard fruits that tasted sour and could be used as some sort of vegetable if they steamed them long enough. The seeds of a species of tufty grass were peppery, and so in the end, their midday meal was rather well spiced.

They ate in silence, avoiding each other’s eyes. Kylo Ren didn’t look like he enjoyed the food much. But Rey judged that he also knew that if he didn’t eat, he’d gain nothing but gnawing hunger and weakness.

“I’d like to go back to my lessons now, master Luke”, Rey said when they were finished. The strained silence was grinding on her nerves and the low thrumming of the connection snatched her thoughts back to the effect it had had on her body a couple of hours ago. Even if she couldn’t meditate properly now, she needed to get away from Kylo Ren’s eyes on her.

Rey climbed up the steep slope to their meditation outlook. She folded her legs under her and settled back to wiggle into a comfortable position. She closed her eyes, rested her palms on her knees. Muscle by muscle she relaxed her body, feeling the Force around her _. It moves through and surrounds every living thing,_ Maz Kanata had told her. Back in Maz’s cellar those words had been petty, empty lines to Rey, but now she understood what the small woman had meant.

The air, the rocks, the grass, the soil, the specks of sea birds in the sky, and the water itself – _all_ of it was filled and surrounded by the Force. Every living thing possessed a tiny spark of Force. It gave Rey a warm sense of belonging and connection. As if she could never be truly alone anymore, when she knew that the power she could tap into was part of every living organism, anywhere in the universe.

Rey breathed in and out, concentrating on the different sources of Force, drawing a bit from the air, a bit from water, a bit from the grass. Then a stone dislodged and fell down the rock with a sharp clatter.

Rey whipped her head around and saw Kylo Ren just heaving himself up over the edge of the outcrop.

Rey jumped to her feet, her hands stemmed into her hips because she had no weapon with her and she didn’t know the first thing about hand-to-hand combat. And Kylo Ren was very much aware of that.

“No, please, go on. I didn’t want to disturb you”, he said lightly and gestured to the spot where she had been sitting. “I merely wanted to join you”.

“You can’t”, she retorted. “Find another place if you want to meditate”.

“Why?”, Kylo asked, arching his brows at her and settled down cross-legged. He closed his eyes and rested his hands on his thighs, rolling his shoulders once. “Ah, right, I make you _nervous_ , scavenger.”   
  
Rey drew in breath sharply through her nostrils. “Banta shit”, she mumbled through clenched teeth. Then she settled back down next to Kylo Ren and pointedly ignored him.

She couldn’t get herself to close her eyes, with that man next to her, so instead she tried to focus on the wave crests, the specks of birds in the sky. _Do not let him think he’s in control here. You’re the one in control._ That had made a lot more sense when she had been alone with Luke. Now, with Kylo Ren’s steady breathing, the warmth of his body next to her, matters were a bit more difficult. She could still just up and walk away, but she’d be damned if she let Kylo Ren chase her away while they were within the vicinities of the first Jedi Temple. She had a _right_ to be her; he was merely tolerated.

“I learned something interesting last night”, Kylo Ren said and snatched her out of her thoughts.

Rey mentally went through a number of witty retorts, but she held her tongue in the end. Apparently, this seemed to prompt the man next to her to continue.

“This Force connection works much like a mind link. Except that, apparently, emotions can be transmitted much easier to the other person”. Rey shot him a sideway glance and the stared pointedly ahead, not daring to move her body even an inch. This was _far_ too dangerous territory. 

“I think it’s f _ascinating_ ”, Kylo whispered and she felt the breath of the word faintly on her neck. Rey squeezed her eyes shut. His clothes rustled as he moved closer.

“Tell me”, Kylo Ren said quietly, very close to her ear, “how nervous do I make you exactly?”. He breathed across her cheek, too fast, too hot, and Rey felt her head go dizzy with the Force connection. His proximity seemed to intensify it and she felt herself leaning towards him, minutely, but uncontrollably, and she turned her face, eyes still tightly closed, towards him, towards the _connection_. His breath was on her neck now, the only touch of him on her, and she smelled him, so close, and so familiar, and Rey could not help it, needed to _see_ , as desire pooled between her hips, making her body lax. Kylo Ren still had his eyes closed, but in his slightly parted lips, in his drawn brows, longing and desperation were clear for her to see.  

Rey swallowed, fidgeting, not finding the strength to get up and walk away. As she should be doing. Now. This very moment.

Kylo Ren brushed her hand with his gloved fingers, and the touch was cold and clammy and it snapped her out of her trance with a start. Rey drew in a sharp breath, eyes flying open and scrambled to her feet.

“Go away. _Now”_ , she hissed, or tried to, but it came out a frightened whisper.

Frustration momentarily crossed over Kylo Ren’s face as he got up too and kicked one of her practise pebbles violently over the edge. The leather creaked as he clenched his fist and lifted it as if he wanted to punch her.

“ _What_ do you think you gain by your _constant_ denial?”, he shouted at her, all pretence at tenderness gone, his jaw set, and suddenly, the remaining rocks all lifted at once, surrounding them in a circle suspended in mid-air. “I know you feel it! _I_ feel it! You think I press this onto you, don’t you? I don’t! This is _not_ how this Force connection works, scavenger! _Stop_ feeding yourself lie after lie!”

The pebbles dropped in a loud clatter to the ground and without another word, Kylo Ren turned on his heels and climbed back down.

Rey stood panting on the outcrop, eyes fixed on where he had disappeared and tried very desperately to coax her thoughts from reeling chaos into the resemblance of order. He had wanted her, just now, _so_ badly. She had felt his desire, emanating like a pulse; she wouldn’t have needed the bond to feel something so apparent and unmasked. Rey ran a palm over her face. She still felt the skin of her neck tingling from his breath, just his breath; he hadn’t even touched her.

“Oh by the gods”, she whispered to herself, sinking down in a crouch and covering her face with her hands. What was wrong with her? This man had captured her, tortured her, tried to invade her mind, nearly killed the first and only person she would truly call a friend; kriff, he had killed his own _father,_ along with how many other thousand people. He was the personification of the Dark Side. He was the one she was training to fight – not sleep with!

She rocked back and forth on her heels, letting her body cool, her breathing slow. She would have to climb down the small, windy platform eventually, so she might as well get it over with as quickly as possible. Rey straightened up after a couple more minutes and descended on still shaky legs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think that Kylo Ren simply did as Luke bid him because otherwise, he would be pretty bored, sitting around two serious jedis on a windy rock. And even he can't annoy Rey 24/7. 
> 
> I'm not sure how Rey and religion go together. So for the sake of significant exclamations I chose to let her believe in some undefined gods without broaching the issue.


	4. Chapter 4

The screeching alarm went off after she was halfway down to the huts. It blared across the small island, intensified and bouncing off the stone walls of the ancient temple’s remains.

Rey knew exactly what this meant and her stomach made a lurch.

Kylo Ren had tried to retrieve his light saber – and had possibly succeeded, too.

Rey skidded down the rest of the slope on her back, not caring how she soiled her tunic. She let the momentum of the hill power her run and all but leapt over the even stretch of low ruins back to their dwelling.

She stepped around a tall wall and the scene she nearly barged into made her cry out in shock.

Kylo Ren, his cape on his shoulders and his mask on his head, stood with legs apart across from Luke. The younger man held his light saber by his side, the jagged blade emanating a nervous, flickering glow that drenched the grass and rocks around it in red. So he had simply Force-pulled the thing out of its confines.

Rey’s jedi master was crouched into a defensive stance, his own light saber in his robotic hand, unignited.  

Rey’s hand clenched and unclenched and she felt the absence of her staff like a physical thing. She didn’t dare to advance any further, unarmed and hopelessly outmatched. Fortunately, neither Luke nor his opponent had seen her.

Around Kylo Ren, the soil and boulders were scorched and smoking. The sacred Jedi Temple looked like a miniature battlefield, except without any dead bodies. And Luke seemed unharmed, as far as Rey could see.

Without warning, Kylo Ren jerked his saber to the side, connecting it with the looming rock face to his right. The heat melted whatever metal was imbedded in the stone and made a terribly screeching sound.

Luke didn’t move when he called over the noise: “Leave it alone, Ben! You cannot win this!”

“You haven’t even lit your weapon, _coward_!”, Kylo Ren shot back, his voice made oddly emotionless by the mask.

“This isn’t even about you and me. I’m not going to engage in a fight that has nothing to do with me. And hacking away at my temple doesn’t help either, now, does it?”. Luke’s voice was calm and composed. He didn’t seem to be afraid. Rey edged carefully closer, pressing her back against the wall to keep herself hidden.

“She is a brat that you spoilt, Skywalker!”, Kylo exploded and whacked the wall forcefully again, sending sparks flying. “She lies and she cheats and she hates! I should’ve just taken her prisoner and she would’ve succumbed to the Dark Side in a matter of _days_!”

“Rey has every reason to hate and to fear you”, Luke replied with emphasize. “But you are mistaken if you believe that this will drag her over to the Dark Side. It only shows her, clearly, what she fights against. And she does fight. That what makes you so angry, doesn’t it?”

“ _Pah_!”, Kylo whipped his saber in front of him, sending tufts of grass as cinders in the air. “You don’t understand a thing! You have _never_ understood me! I can scream in your face and you wouldn’t hear me!”

“What do you expect? That you waltz in here, presenting yourself unarmed and alone, and Rey simply trusts you for your word? The last thing she remembers, Ben, is that you killed your own father and nearly killed her best friend!” Luke shook his head slowly.

Kylo Ren seemed to deflate a bit. “She knows I’m not deceiving her. Even if I had wanted to, the Force connection doesn’t allow it”.   
  
Rey’s heart was hammering in her chest and again she felt like she would give something important away, something she shouldn’t share. But if Kylo kept freaking out like this, the gods only knew what he was going to do in a frenzy, despite his promise not to hurt her or her master. So she would give him this, at least. Only this.

“He’s right”. Rey said and stepped out of her hiding spot. Luke turned around but he didn’t look surprised to see her.

“Kylo Ren didn’t lie”, Rey sighed. “The Force connection doesn’t tolerate lies. Besides, when I was inside his mind, there was no deception there, either. That’s the truth, whether I like it or not. But”, she added quickly, “that doesn’t excuse torture and murder!”.

Across from her, Kylo Ren cocked his head but he didn’t say anything.

Instead, it was Luke who suggested “Then put down your weapon now. Show some goodwill, or neither of us will be willing to try and trust you”.

Kylo Ren didn’t move for a while, seemingly pondering Luke’s words. But eventually he shut off the blade, and the world around him plunged back into its rightful colours of green and anthracite. 

“Thank you”, Luke said. He turned to Rey and regarded her intently for a while, and she felt like he wanted to tell her something but she couldn’t understand him. “Padawan, it would benefit your training if you duelled against Ben. I can show you only the jedi’s way of fighting, but I hope that you will never be up against another jedi. So. See how far your training gets you against one of the Dark Side of the Force”.

Shock spread numbly through her and Rey’s jaw dropped slightly as she goggled at Luke. “What?”, she finally managed and she didn’t care that this was no way for a padawan to address her master.

“See it as an opportunity. Not many padawans get the chance to spar with a Dark Sider during their training. What you can practise safely now is what most of us face only in a life-or-death situation”.

Rey chewed on her lower lip, giving both men a dark look. Unfortunately, she couldn’t quite deny Luke’s reasoning. It was only logical and she saw the benefits. That is, her head did. Her heart and belly had quite different ideas about her master’s suggestion.

Rey heaved a sigh. “Fine”, she said and it took effort to keep the uncertainty out of her voice.

\-----------

It was more than strange to see her own staff being wielded by her enemy. The three of them had moved to the proper duel grounds across the island. Here, the earth was covered with even tiles. One of Rey’s first tasks had been to weed the place so she and her master could use it without tripping over tufts of grass that had sprouted through the gaps.

Rey and Kylo Ren stood several feet apart, circling each other in slow, dragging steps. Luke had had the incomprehensible idea to make them switch weapons. So Rey clutched the new training saber with its ghastly crossguard while Kylo Ren lazily swirled her staff. It seemed profoundly wrong. And yet, at least Kylo seemed not quite as adept at the longer weapon as he was with a light saber.

Eventually, Rey came to the end of her tether. She couldn’t read him at all, with the mask still on his head, so she simply dashed at him without further ado. Mentally she had gone through the attack patterns Luke had already drilled into her and she felt rather proud that she kept a cool enough head to execute perfectly the one she had picked.

Kylo Ren blocked the attack – but only just. He brought the staff up sloppily, making an instinctive move that was intended for a much shorter weapon. Rey allowed a grin to spread over her face as she used the momentum to press her attack further into him instead of jumping back. She could use the trouble he had to bring up the staff quick enough to drive home her hit. What she hadn’t calculated with was that her opponent might not have the same speed she had, but he was stronger. Before Rey could deliver the stab she had intended, Kylo Ren had already shoved her away with a sideward body slam and she could only graze him across the ribs with the saber’s tip.

Rey lithely slid three steps backwards, quickly moving out of the longer weapon’s range.

“Didn’t think you’d be defeated by your own weapon, eh?” she called, feeling a heady thrill. It pleased her immensely that Kylo Ren had trouble handling her staff when she felt she could actually wield ‘his’ weapon pretty well.

The snide retort Rey expected didn’t come. Instead, her opponent simply grunted wordlessly and charged her. Rey stepped back, using the advantage of her speed. Kylo Ren struck out with the lower end of the staff and actually managed to nip her on the left shin. Rey hissed at the pain.   

They fought until Rey’s hair had mostly worked itself out of its three buns and sweat kept running into her eyes.

Luke, who had watched silently from the side, stepped between them and held up his hand. “Well done. Both of you”, he said and gave each a nod.

Rey dragged her sleeve across her forehead, panting. As the adrenaline began to leave her system, a pleasant feeling of accomplishment spread through her. She wouldn’t admit it to Kylo Ren, but that sparring had actually felt _good_. And not just because she had driven home some hits herself.

Rey opened her mouth to say something to her opponent, but before she could find the words, he simply dropped her staff to the ground, turned and walked away from the training grounds.

For a moment, that left her dumbfounded. Rey drew her brow into a frown and looked at her master. Twice now she had expected Kylo Ren to make some snide remark, and twice he had simply kept his silence. Rey dragged her fingers through the strands of hair that had fallen into her eyes, tugging them back behind her ear.  
“Can I go wash myself, master?”, she mumbled and with Luke’s consent she turned the other way and marched off to the island’s only freshwater stream.

\-----------  
  
Their dinner had been meagre. With an additional mouth to feed, plus the training, there hadn’t been much time nor – it seemed – nerves on Luke’s side to catch fresh fish or crabs. Instead, he had taken some of the dried fish from their rack and added the morning leftovers of flat bread. All in all, it was a dry, tasteless meal that none of them enjoyed much.

Kylo Ren had taken his portion wordlessly and carried it away from their tiny settlement and out of sight. He still hadn’t taken off his mask and that fact unnerved Rey. He was moping like a child that hid under his bedsheets and won’t talk to mommy and daddy.

Rey suppressed a sigh and turned back to the last crumbs of her meal. She took another sip from her water canteen, absently musing that Kylo Ren had simply hijacked it some days ago without asking. She pushed the remains around in the bowl before she rebuked herself not to play with food, ever, whether or not there was enough of it now. Life on Jakku left its traces.

Rey volunteered to wash the dishes and Luke didn’t object.

On her way down to the small river she scanned the landscape for Kylo Ren, but the man had vanished successfully. He didn’t turn up even after the sun had set and it became too dark to see. Rey went to bed with an uneasy feeling.

Although the day had been eventful and exhausting, she didn’t feel tired. Maybe, she mused, she was on edge because Luke had let Kylo Ren keep his light saber.   
“He’s had more than one opportunity to hurt us”, her master had said. “Ben isn’t the cold-blooded killer I feared he would have become by now. He’s still struggling, you’ve seen it”. Rey had nodded. “I lost him once to the Dark Side. Maybe this is the chance to get him back. But that won’t happen if we keep mistrusting him in every little thing he says or does”.

Rey understood Luke’s hope. The days with Kylo Ren had shown her a lot about the man whom she had, until now, perceived as only the single minded, two-dimensional villain. She thought she saw now, better, that his anger didn’t come from simple hatred for the Resistance or anyone who opposed the Empire and the First Order. He was angry because he couldn’t get rid of all those emotions that showed on his face like on a canvas. Rey had learned enough about the Dark Side to know that some emotions were welcomed, even encouraged. Their students were taught to feed the Force through hate, arrogance, rage, propaganda, fear. But Kylo Ren had to battle much more diverse feelings, powerful ones. How much energy did it cost him to fight these unwelcomed emotions? To feel worthy enough to follow into Darth Vader’s footsteps one day?

Ever since Kylo Ren had defected and torn down Luke’s academy, he had had this mentor-creature, a mental hand on his shoulder, guiding him and providing stability after a fashion.

Now there was no-one to whisper into Kylo Ren’s ear, no-one to tell him how to behave, how to push certain emotions away.

Rey rolled to her side, facing the dark wall. She curled her fingers against her chest, mentally probing for the Force connection. It was there, faintly, but muted as if someone had pinched off one side so only a trickle could get through. She felt oddly restless for it. If Kylo Ren had taken such measures to study their connection, why by the stars did he seal it off now so suddenly?

Rey shut her eyes, forcing sleep to come to her. And there she had thought Kylo Ren was trouble when he had only been in her nightmares.

\-----------  
  
The days trickled past; dull, uneventful and repetitive.

Rey settled into a training plan of meditation, solo training with the wooden light saber and sparring against Kylo Ren with her staff.

No-one talked very much.

Kylo kept his mask on, Rey kept carrying around an irritation that put her on edge, and Luke kept a wary eye on both of them.

Kylo had reduced his verbal interaction with her to an absolute minimum that rarely exceeded more than one word at a time. She tried to challenge him, tease him, even downright insulted him once, but he granted her no more attention than his morning gruel.

Rey had told herself that she should welcome this new and silent Kylo Ren who didn’t follow her around, didn’t infuriate her with snide remarks and didn’t try to destroy parts of the island with his bare hands. And in fact, at first it had seemed like a blessing; the serene silence when they ate, no-one insulted her, calling her ‘scavenger’ in a condescending voice.

It was the gnawing absence of their Force connection that left her testy and nervous. Only now that it was so apparently cut off, did Rey realize that ever since Kylo Ren had landed his TIE fighter on this rock, it had been wide open between them. There had been no constant to and fro of thoughts and emotions, no. But like the humming of engines, it was a background noise you never paid much heed until it stopped. And then it felt wrong.

Rey finally gave up on rock levitation with a loud sigh. She slumped forward, her twin strands tickling against her cheeks. She put her elbows on her knees and propped her chin in her palms. Clouds formed far out on the horizon and she absently mused whether or not they would bring rain later. Another cloud covered the sun and the wind’s temperature suddenly seemed to drop. Rey shivered, drawing up her knees and hugging them to her chest. She had chosen to wear more or less the grey outfit she had arrived in on Ahch-To, except for the lose cuffs. Now she wished she had put them on after all.

Not seeing the wisdom of freezing her backside off on the cold stone, Rey got up and made her way down to her master.

With the rising temperatures and their daily sparring, they had used up their water reserved rapidly over the last days. So Luke didn’t object when she volunteered to replenish them. It would give her something to do and would hopefully warm her up a bit.   

Luke had assembled a self-levitating water tank from parts of his space ship. Rey switched on the small vessel’s electromagnetic system and with a low hum it slowly rose from the ground. She put a bucket into it and stirred it towards the pond with one hand on its rim.

The only freshwater reserve pooled at the island’s lowest point. It was fed by a small but reliable stream, which originated from a source deep within the rocks. Rey followed the rivulet’s path. The cloud that had covered the sun had moved on and the warming rays felt good on her skin.

Since the stream flowed steadily downhill, and the pond lay within a deep depression, Rey already saw Kylo Ren from afar. For a moment she halted in her tracks and debated whether she should simply turn back, using the advantage that he hadn’t spied her yet. But avoiding one another was exactly what was setting her so on edge lately, and besides, Rey had made it a rule that she wouldn’t cede any part of this sacred place to Kylo.

The black-clad man had, apparently, just put his mask back on and Rey guessed he had used the pond to bathe. His fingers pressed something on both sides of the helmet and she could hear the familiar hiss when the mask’s mechanics slid into place.

Rey took a deep breath and with a brisk walk covered the remaining distance to the lake.

When Kylo saw her, he gathered up the cape and his gloves that still lay draped over a rock. He slung the cloak around his shoulders, fastened it and shoved his gloves into the pocket of his tunic while he began walking towards her. Without a word, he simply passed her, trudging determinedly up the steep hillside.

Rey suppressed a groan as annoyance suddenly flared up like a spike in her chest.

“ _Hey!_ ” she shouted after him, the anger in her voice quite audible. When he didn’t stop she continued yelling. “Here are your choices: you either tell me why the kriff you’re such an irritating git, or I _will_ find a way to get you off this planet!”

Kylo Ren stopped but he didn’t turn around. Still, she could hear him clearly when he answered: “Make up your mind, scavenger”.

“What?”

“You want me to leave you in peace. I do that, and still you’re pissed”. Kylo Ren had half-turned around to her now, most of his mask hidden by the hood he had drawn up.

“Don’t play dumb with me!”, Rey retorted and gave the tank an angry push that made it beeline slowly away from her. “You said you wanted to find out what this Force connection is between us, yet you shut yourself out from it. It’s not – it feels – it-“. Rey waved her hands in the air, angered by the sudden loss for words. She heaved a sigh. “It doesn’t feel right”.

Kylo Ren regarded her, his head tilted slightly to the side.

“We weren’t getting anywhere with this”, he told her and Rey thought she could hear sadness in his words. But it was probably just the helm’s modulator.

“You were being an insufferable prick! That is why we were ‘getting nowhere’”. Rey deepened her voice on the last two words to imitate Kylo’s tone.

“ _You_ keep lying to me! To yourself!”, he shot back and now no modulator could disguise the anger in his voice. “That - and only that - is the problem, scavenger!”

“Oh, it’s so handy, right? Let’s all forget about the fact that Kylo Ren, lap-dog of the Dark Side, has killed how many jedis? Has killed his own father, nearly killed Finn, _and_ myself. Because that is not something to consider, oh no, _I_ am the problem here, right?”. Heat rose to her cheeks.

Kylo Ren regarded her silently for a while before he asked: “Do you want me to apologize to you?”

“Well-”, Rey started and realised this wasn’t what she had expected to hear from him at all. She clenched and unclenched her jaw. “It would be a start I guess…” she trailed off. Can one simply apologize for murder?

“It won’t change the past”, Kylo interrupted her thoughts and turned to leave.

“Oh no, you don’t”, Rey uttered, stepped forward and grabbed him by the arm, turning him to face her. She peered up his mask, tried to look past the metal to see his eyes. But she stared only into a black slit that gave away nothing “I know that there’s still a human being under that helm”, she said more softly. “Stop hiding him”.

Kylo Ren regarded her in silence. He seemed tense, poised to break into a run any moment. Rey released his arm from her grip and reached up. She brushed the hood off his head and then, when Kylo Ren didn’t make a move to flee or push her away, she put her palms to the sides of his mask.

The metal was cold under her fingers. She could feel its dents and seams. Rey ran her fingertips tentatively over the temples until she found what she was looking for. She pressed down on the small buttons on both sides and with a click and a hiss the construction gave way under her touch and the mask opened. Rey quickly lifted the thing off Kylo Ren’s head and simply let it drop to her feet.

“That’s better”, Rey whispered.

A sheen of sweat had formed on Kylo’s brow. Tension and the first signs of exhaustion were edged into his expressive features. His dark eyes roamed over her face, his lips were pressed together as if he was trying to hold back at something.

Like the sputtering of a candle flame Rey could feel the Force connection intensifying. Kylo Ren still held it back, but it gained power and leaked through the barrier he had put up. Involuntarily, Rey stepped forward, as if proximity could somehow make it better.

Kylo didn’t step back, not even when her breasts brushed against the thick, coarse fabric of his tunic. The world had dropped into insignificance around her, all that mattered was the Force connection, she sudden profound wrongness of it being held locked down, like a truth that needed to be told; like a desire that needed to be satisfied.

Kylo Ren was breathing more quickly now. His dark eyes pooled with emotions, with conflicts and instinct. He drew a ragged breath.

“Make it stop”, Rey whispered, not able to make much sense of her own self.

“Rey”, Kylo Ren simply said, so faint she could hardly hear it, and with a surge their Force connection was freed, its flow unobstructed and Rey grabbed the front of Kylo’s tunic, gasped and squeezed her eyes shut. The intensity of his emotions filled her like a riptide, crashing against and mingling effortlessly with her own.

She felt his arms sliding around her waist, pressing her to himself, closing what little gap still remained between their bodies and she met his lips unsurprised.

Rey held on tightly to Kylo Ren’s tunic, letting him guide their kiss, receiving him without hesitation. She could feel one hand sliding up her back and into her hair, dislodging some strands from her buns.

Rey’s fingers brushed against the clasp of his cloak and she unfastened it to let it drop to the ground behind him. As if in answer, Kylo Ren’s other hand slid under her shirt, impatiently pushing it upward, but then he simply placed his large palm over her ribs, his thumb brushing against her naked breast. Rey drew in a sharp breath and broke the kiss for a moment.

She had given up on wondering if this was what the Force connection wanted, what Kylo Ren wanted – or what she wanted. All that mattered was the _need_ , the not-close-enough.

Kylo Ren didn’t even try to hide the desire that was plain in his eyes. Without further ado, he picked her up and carried her on his hands back down the slope to more level ground and for a split-second Rey had a strange sensation of déjà-vu. 

When he put her down on the grass she absently wished she hadn’t loosened his cloak just yet, but then again, she couldn’t bring herself to care too much.

Sitting up, Rey struggled out of her vest. Kylo Ren kneeled before her and she attacked his tunic fervently. He put up no resistance when she finally managed to slide the heavy thing over his head and threw it away some feet for better measures. Kylo was already dragging and tearing at her shirt and she slapped his hands away for fear he would simply rip the fabric apart.

Her fingers trembled and her skin felt numb to the wind and hyper-sensitive to his touch. When they were both finally freed from all covers, Kylo pushed her back, not gently, but not wanting to hurt her either. He placed his hands flat on the ground to either side of her head, silently looking into her eyes, all his desires plainly written onto his face. Rey slid her fingers into his hair, holding on tight and dragged herself up while pulling him down towards her. She opened her legs for him when they lips met and she felt him slide into her effortlessly, both of them ready and eager.

For a moment, Kylo Ren didn’t move his hips and Rey angrily pushed her lap up against him. He had sunken down on his forearms, his face hovering only inches from her own. She saw desperation flitting across his features, but for more than their joining, and Rey fell still.

Silence fell around them, and the wind and their panting was all that filled the air with sound. The Force connection was a physical thing all through her body, like a drug.

Rey saw Kylo Ren take in a gulp of air, and then he swallowed, hard, and he whispered: “Say my name. Please.”

Rey held her breath, feeling him inside her, still unmoving and she knew exactly what he wanted, what he needed to hear.

“Ben”, she breathed and in response he thrust into her then, forceful, and she bent her head back as sweet, sweet pleasure filled her.

“Ben”. Another thrust. “Ben. Ben. Ben”, and she lost himself in his name then, over and over, and he slid his arms around her back, pressing her to his chest as she whispered his name into his skin and he kept pushing with the rhythm of her voice.

Rey buried her nose in the crook of his neck and held onto him tightly when he reached his crest with a gasp and a moan. He shivered and then stiffened for a moment and left Rey hanging suspended. But the, without skipping a beat, he slid his hand down between her legs and it took no more than the simple touch with his fingers for her to follow him. Rey shut her eyes tightly and bit down on his shoulder as the mounting waves finally overtook her and she went over the edge with a cry. 

Rey fell limply back, sweat running down her temples, between her breasts. The aftermath left her lax and uncaring. Slowly, Ben stretched out next to her, and for a moment she thought he’d fall asleep, or he’d simply get up and walk away when he’s recovered enough. Instead, he draped an arm around her waist and gently pulled her towards his chest. Her knees got in the way, and Rey nudged his legs apart with her feet until they were tangled. He hooked one foot around her calf and tugged to press them together at the hip. Ben was a tall man, so Rey ended up with her nose pressed to his breastbone and his chin resting on top of her head.

As the hormones in her body gradually subsided and the Force connection powered down to its normal background hum, Rey began to feel the wind’s bite on her sweaty skin. Involuntarily she shivered and Ben hugged her closer to his body.

Ben.

His scent filled her nostrils, clean of all artificial smells. She opened her eyes, not remembering having them closed, and let her gaze flicker down the length of his body. Like his face, the rest of him was dappled with little moles. His skin was smooth in most places and held scars in others. Small, thick ones and larger ones that looked like they could’ve come from light saber cuts. Rey rested her palm on one new scar at his side and she remembered the crossbow bolt that had ripped through his skin there.

Pressed against his naked body like this, she could no longer think of him as Kylo Ren.   
  
Kylo Ren was a creature in a mask, hiding behind a metal helm, behind a mentor who was corrupted to the bone by the Dark Side and a fleet of destructive technology and brainwashed Stormtroopers.

This man had left all that behind, or almost all, and had delivered himself into her hands. Quite literally. Despite their Force connection and his inability to hide his emotions, he was still a mystery to her. Why he had come to Ahch-To or what he really wanted from her, she still didn’t understand.

Ben’s breathing had evened out and his chest heaved calmly. Trying not to move her head too much, Rey peered up to his face. He had his eyes closed and his mouth hung slightly open. So he had fallen asleep after all.

Rey suppressed a sigh and very carefully entangled herself from his grip. Away from the warms of his body, the wind chilled her instantly and she quickly collected her clothes. Ben hadn’t woken up but he had pulled up his knees and pressed his arms to his torso. So Rey fetched his cloak and carefully draped it over the sleeping man.

She made her way back up the slope, following the stream to its source and then used the small path that led back to their huts.

She should feel disgusted with herself. She prodded her heart and her mind for the feeling, almost willing it to rise up. But it didn’t. All that was filling her was a sense of balance. A rightness. Something she could feel at the edges, but was far from understanding. Had the Force somehow made them do it? It would be convenient, wouldn’t it? No responsibility for either of them, so easy to explain away.

Rey had become quite good at lying to herself; Ben had been right in that aspect. But she couldn’t feed herself this lie. The Force did not work that way. It didn’t simply hijack jedi bodies to mash them together. The Force might fuel their connection, but every touch, every kiss, every thrust was of their very own making.

Rey heaved a breath. So now what?  
The question loomed over her the size of a small moon. Too huge to process at the moment, but vague enough to simply push aside for now.  

_A fight._ She told herself instead. _We were fighting._ Because Luke would ask. She knew he would ask. Although Rey had tried to pull her hair back into their three buns, she could not get rid of the grass stains on her clothes so easily.

Luke wasn’t at their huts and for a moment of searing shock Rey thought that he had followed her and witnessed what they had done.

But his Force signature wafted towards her and Rey turned to its source. Squinting against the sun, she could just so make out his upper body on the meditation platform. No need to disturb him, then.

Rey was just powering up the stove when Luke rounded the corner of one of the temple ruins.

“Did you get into a fight?”, he greeted her.

“Yes!”, Rey jumped at his voice and nearly yelled the reply at him. “Be- Kylo Ren was being an idiot again”.

Luke sighed heavily and settled down next to her. He reached for his supply of grain and measured out three portions.

“You have to stop letting him in”, he told her and Rey bit down on her lower lip hard to keep herself from coughing.

“You’ve rarely made any progress in your training lately. And I don’t plan to spend the rest of my life with the two of you here, bickering like spoilt kids”. Luke raised both his eyebrows at her. Rey felt scolded like the child he made her out to be.  
“And where is the water you wanted to fetch?”

She grimaced and mentally rebuked herself. She had completely forgotten about the tank, hadn’t even spared it a second thought all the way up here.

“I’ll get it! Sorry!” Rey jumped to her feet and all but fled from her master and back the way she had just come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I was watching the Kylo Ren and Rey scenes again for this fic, I realized that Ben really didn't lie to Rey one single time throughout the whole movie. It's amazing, really, he spills it ALL to her without any effort from her side. It's as if she has him wrapped around her little finger before they even meet, haha. It's this fact that I base my story on, that he's somewhat helpless in her presence. 
> 
> Also, things are becoming a little more juicer now, you're welcome ;).


	5. Chapter 5

The nearer Rey came to the pond, the more she dragged her steps. Right now, she had exactly zero nerve to face Ben. So she idly picked some small flowers, tried to levitate a rock, deviated from her path to inspect another crumbled building.

Eventually, however, she found herself back by the pond and Ben sitting on a rock at its bank. Thankfully, he was fully dresses, gloves and cape and all, but hadn’t put on his mask, which lay on the ground by his feet. Ben watched Rey silently as she approached, his chin propped up in one hand, elbow resting on his thigh. She had never seen him this relaxed and content and mentally rolled her eyes because, well, sex would do that.

The tank had swivelled some feet down the slope but since its electromagnet didn’t work over water, it had stopped by the pond’s shore. Rey marched towards the little vessel determinedly, ignoring the man for now. He had known exactly that she would return for the water, Rey realised and suppressed a sigh at her own thoughtlessness.

She fished the bucket from the tank and kneeled down to haul water with it.

Rey managed three buckets before Ben strolled over to her. Rey lowered the container into the water again, keeping her back to him. Maybe he’d take the hint, but then again, this was Ben, so the chances were slim.

She felt him as a physical presence at her back as much as through the Force. Since their lovemaking earlier, Ben hadn’t closed off the connection.

“No I don’t”, she said before he could open his mouth.

“Don’t – what?”

“Want to talk about it”

The rustling of clothes indicated that he might have shrugged at her comment.  
“There isn’t anything to talk about”.

Rey straightened up, resisting the urge to turn around to face him. Proximity really did make the Force connection stronger and she already felt his emotions tentatively reaching out through it towards her. And her body already answered them.

His arm snaked around her waist just as she had emptied the bucket into the tank. Rey let go of it with a gasp as she was pulled back forcefully against Ben’s chest. He rested his other arm above her breasts, grabbing her shoulder. There was strength in his grip that excited and frightened her a little at the same time. Rey allowed her head to bump back against his collarbone. Anything more – a turn, a touch – and she knew she would be lost again; this easily, this quickly.

“There’s no need to hold back any more”. His mouth was so close to her ear that his lips brushed her skin. He nuzzled her neck and she swayed unsteadily in his grip.

With an effort Rey shook her head. “Ben, please”, she pleaded and tried to push forward and out of his embrace, but he only gripped her tighter, possessively, and Rey mused that, from what she had learned of him earlier, the words ‘Ben’ and ‘please’ together might not have been the wisest choice right now.

With force she pulled against his grip once more and when Ben suddenly released her, she stumbled forward some steps. She picked up the bucket and then straightened to turn towards him. He regarded her pensively, his eyes intent on her face. Rey bit her lower lip and felt her cheeks turn red. The Force connection pulsed between them and it was suddenly a wonderful, beautiful thing because she could let him know exactly what she couldn’t say.

A very small smile ghosted over Ben’s face, a minute gesture that nonetheless brightened his features for a second in such a way that Rey almost felt herself smiling back at him.

“I’m so proud of you, little jedi”, Ben told her. Rey shot him a puzzled look and he continued: “You stopped lying to yourself”.

Rey looked aside, embarrassment creeping up her face red and hot. Of all the things to deny to herself - to Ben - this was by far the hardest: because there was no way now that she could make either of them believe that she hadn’t wanted him. Because she had; she had wanted him close and inside and completely.

And she still did.

Ben turned around and walked back to the stone he had sat on. He returned to her side a minute later, carrying his mask and held it out unceremoniously.

“What am I supposed to do with that?” Rey asked him.

“Do what you want with it”, he answered and shrugged with one shoulder.

Putting aside the bucket, Rey took the metallic helm in both hands. She looked up into Ben’s face and made sure their eyes were locked. Then, without breaking the contact, she flung the helm out into the pond.

Ben cringed visibly. “What is it with you two throwing stuff into the water?”, he sighed helplessly and Rey could not suppress a grin. However, he tried not to Force-pull the mask back to him.

“We’ll meet at the training grounds in an hour, your legwork needs serious improvement”, he told her and then turned and walked back towards their huts.

Rey looked after Ben for another moment. She tried to make sense of her strange double-vision of him. Logically, this was still the man who had murdered countless people in cold blood. But he was also the man who had hugged her to himself when she was shivering from the cold. Who was giving up part after part of himself to her, like a puzzle disassembling. And, like a puzzle, there were so many pieces of him that she saw now and the more he showed her, the harder it became to understand the whole picture.

When Rey rounded the ruin’s corner with her hand on the levitating tank beside her, she startled Luke from a concentrated inspection of their new wooden training saber. Her master stood bent over his crude worktable, the stick before him and a simple knife beside it.

Rey guided the tank to its place beside Luke’s hut and disengaged its electromagnets. With a buzzing sound, it settled itself down to the ground. Then she went to stand beside him.

“Have the two of you reconciled?” he asked without looking up from the process of smoothing Ben’s handiwork with his knife.

Rey made a noncommittal sound.

“Your Force connection is flowing again, isn’t it?” He shot her a glance before he went back to his work.

Rey nodded. “Yes, it is”, she simply said, not wanting to give away more.

“Any longer with you jumpy like an overpowered droid and I would’ve shipped one of you off to the neighbouring island” Luke held up the saber, smoothing his fingers gently over the wood. “Whatever you did to clear the air, I’m glad of it”.

Rey regarded her master silently from the corner of her eyes. He was concentrated on the wood and the splinters he carefully nicked free with the tip of the knife, seeming oblivious to the weight his comment had on Rey.

Eventually, Luke put the tools down and turned to face his padawan squarely. “I know Ben has a talent to hit where it hurts most, Rey. But I need you to reign in your own temper. Don’t become the fuel for his anger”.

Rey folded in her lips and nodded, desperately looking for a way to change the subject. She picked up the training saber and ran her palm over the wood. “That’s much better. Thank you, master. I’d gotten splinters three times now”.

Luke slipped the knife into a sheath on his belt. “Get your staff, time for practise”.

Ben was expecting them on the training platform. Luke tossed him the saber and Rey positioned herself in her usual spot across from Ben.

Her opponent twirled the stick in his hands while he circled her. Rey moved with him, keeping her distance, her eyes trained on his poised body for any indication of attack. Abruptly, Ben righted himself and flung the wooden saber into the grass.

“Why don’t we try for an update today?” he suggested lightly, looking from Rey to Luke. “Real light sabers, both of us”. Without hesitation, he unfastened his own weapon and ignited it.

Involuntarily, Rey stepped back. She still got a queasy feeling whenever she saw that weapon lit.

“Rey is no match for you”, Luke said and stepped into the duelling space.

“Don’t worry, I’m not going to hurt her. But as you said: it’s an opportunity not many jedis have, right?”

“You can’t blunt the edges on a light saber, Ben. It’s a dangerous weapon, even if you’re careful”.

“This stick doesn’t even come close to the real thing. Why should Rey train with something that doesn’t even resemble a real weapon?”. Ben gestured to the wooden saber on the ground.

For a moment, Luke regarded his nephew with an odd look.

“I know I can handle this”, Rey said and stepped between the two men. “Master Luke, please?”

Luke sighed and waved his robotic arm in the air in a gesture of defeat. He unfastened his own, old light saber from his hip and offered the weapon to his padawan. “Under one condition: both of you follow my orders instantly and without questions. Understood?”

They both nodded and Rey reached out to take the weapon from her master’s hand. For a second, she hesitated but then determinedly closed her fingers around the hilt. She cringed and readied herself for another onslaught of visions, but luckily, they didn’t come and Rey released a breath.

The two of them fell back into their stances, and for the second time, the blue blade sprang to life before Rey’s eyes. And again, it took her breath away for a moment as she felt the blade humming with the Force, as if it connected itself to her, tuned itself to her weight and strength. As if the weapon was nearly sentient.

“Come on! Attack!” Ben yelled at her, powering his own saber again with a forceful flick of his wrist. She snapped out of her adoration for the blue blade to face her opponent.  

The moment Rey leapt into a sprint towards him, she felt her mind pulled back to that same situation on Starkiller Base. For a second she could feel the snow under her feet and saw looming, black trees to her sides.

The only thing that was real, though, was that her opponent was once again Kylo Ren, black-clad and drenched in red light, with his ragged cape billowing behind him.

Rey dragged up her arm shakily and Kylo Ren’s light saber slid against it without any force. He broke his attack and took a step back, sighing in annoyance. “You can do better than that!”, he told her angrily.

Rey had instinctively hunched her shoulders up and turned her head to the side. She straightened herself and looked up and into Ben’s eyes. The background hum of their Force connection buzzed in her head, she vaguely felt how much he enjoyed this.

Ben didn’t give her any warning. With a determined grunt, he charged her, and this time, Rey was ready. She blocked the attack confidently, twisting and sliding out of his range. Breathing in and out calmly, Rey used the momentum to bring up the saber again, clashing it with Ben’s. Red and blue sparks spewed from the forceful contact.

All hesitance gone, Rey pressed against her opponent. She kept her weapon up, striking out herself as often as she blocked an attack. Ben fought her much like he had last time. He pushed her constantly back, lashing out with seemingly no pattern. But Rey knew him well enough now from their training sessions to see the form behind his attacks.

She kept to the patterns Luke had drilled into her. The movements were imprinted into her muscles now, instinct taking over. She let herself being chased back on purpose. If she tried to push forward against Ben, he would only gain the upper hand easily due to his height and the slightly longer range of his light saber. Instead, Rey controlled the fight by deciding where he would push her. A step left; two to the right, a half turn.

Rey could tell that Ben took care only to strike against her blade, not her body. She would have loved to say the same, but in truth, once the fight’s dynamic had unfolded, she didn’t even get close enough to hit more than his saber’s tip.

Ben hadn’t tried to seriously wound her in their first fight. Only now, that they almost recreated what had given her terrible nightmares for so long, did she realize that. It made odd sense, though. For had Ben not offered to be her teacher, in the darkness and cold of Starkiller Base? 

The revelation startled Rey and Ben used the split-second of her inattention mercilessly. He took a step forward and let his blade crack against hers with a wordless shout, pushing both sabers towards her. Ben’s tense face, close to hers, was drenched in red and blue and with a yell she forced him back.

From this moment, their fight picked up speed and very soon, they had left the confines of the training platform behind.

Ben had held back in the first minutes, but now he pushed her around with serious force. Rey could just so deflect his strikes but he kept her far too occupied to do more than defend herself. She stumbled backwards, shooting glances at the uneven grassy ground.

Her shirt was plastered to her back, strands of hair clung to her cheeks. At least Ben didn’t look much better. His hair stuck to his forehead and he had his teeth clenched. He was panting and had at some point gotten rid of his cape. From the corner of her eyes, Rey saw that Luke was following them.

Ben flashed her a toothy grin and in the same moment, he brought up his light saber. Rey ducked away under the attack and to the side, stepping around her opponent. Ben matched her movements until he stood with his back to Luke, towering over her.

When next their blades crashed, Ben shot out his arms and grabbed Rey by the wrists, holding her suspended for a moment. Excitement and enjoyment danced in his eyes and a half-smile played on his lips. The smile flashed into a grin, he tilted his head and stole a hasty kiss from her before he pushed her back and readied himself for another attack.

Rey blinked twice in surprise but found her bearings quickly. She received his next onslaught with a growl and sparks flew around her face from the clash of the powerful weapons.

Just as Rey’s arms began to ache seriously, despite the constant adrenaline rush, did Luke shout for them to stop.    
  
They switched off their sabers and the world seemed suddenly drained of reds and blues. Ben ran a hand through his sweaty hair, his chest heaving. Rey bent forward, hands on her knees, catching her breath.

“Not too bad. But Rey, you need to improve your legwork” Luke said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Never thought that writing a light saber duel could be so much fun! Shorter chapter today, but I didn't want to break apart the next scenes. So thanks for bearing with me :-*


	6. Chapter 6

“You’re enjoying this way too much”, Rey mumbled under her breath as she hastened to keep up with Ben.

It had been the perfect set-up. Luke had let Rey practise her moves alone with his light saber, disappearing as he sometimes did. Ben had busied himself with cutting the pieces of cloth Luke had given him on his first day.

Not five minutes after her master had left them, Ben turned up on the training grounds to where Rey had retreated.

“Follow me”, he had simply told her and turned on his heels.

And she had followed.

“Where are we going?” Rey called out to him.

Ben turned in his stride without slowing. “You’re tensing up when your master is watching you while we fight. Your movements are too wooden. I’m just offering you a chance to – let’s say – move more freely”.

Rey frowned but didn’t respond. Fair enough. But in truth she knew that Ben simply liked sparring with real light sabers.

He led her down to the pond and past it, turning south by its banks. They crossed an expanse of uneven ground covered in grass, patches of pepper-grain and the occasional ground-hugging pale blue flowers. Soon, however, a group of shrubs came into view. When they approached, Rey saw that they formed a natural circle, roughly twice as wide as the training grounds the jedis had laid out. Ben walked into the ring’s middle and turned towards her, his unlit light saber already in his hand.

“Now”, he said, “where were we?” and he ignited his weapon.

Excitement washed though Rey and she felt the emotion race along their Force connection. Ben answered it with his own anticipation.

Rey hefted Luke’s saber in her hands and let the blade shoot up with a buzz. She had hardly slipped into the opening stance when Ben charged her without further warning.

Their battel picked up where the last one had ended, fast-paced and intense. Rey tried not to let Ben push her back this time and she succeeded only because her opponent gave way to avoid wounding her.

When next they sprang apart, Rey waved Luke’s saber in front of her. “Do you still want this?”, she asked him mockingly, remembering their first fight, when the light saber had heeded to _her_ call, not his. Kylo Ren had angrily demanded the blade back from her.

Ben spread his legs and crouched down. She could only half see his grin because the saber’s red glow obscured his face. “I thought you knew what I want”, he told her in his dark, low voice that hid none of his words’ meaning.

Rey felt a shiver run through her. She attacked him again. When their blades clashed, Ben pushed hers to the side effortlessly, causing the tip to collide with the ground in a screeching sound.

Rey shut the blade off and Ben did the same with his own saber. No more than ten inches separated them. The Force connection ran high on their adrenaline. Ben’s gaze on her was devouring, sweat stood on his brow and he breathed hard from the fight’s effort.

Rey hefted the saber to her hip and then buried her hands in Ben’s hair without further ado. He had his arms around her waist an instant later and bent down to meet her lips. When Ben pulled her to his body, she felt him hard against her pelvis and a tremor ran through her in response.

Rey had to stand on tip-toes for the kiss and the deeper they sunk into it, the tighter Ben hugged her towards him until he eventually lifted her off the ground. So she simply wrapped her legs around his waist, pushing forward until Ben escaped a moan.

“What do you want?”, he panted against her lips as he slid one hand under her shirt, digging his short nails into her skin. Rey clenched her teeth.

Not granting him an answer just yet, she stroked her hands through his hair and Ben closed his eyes under the touch. Rey took her time to study his face and she idly wondered how many people had seen _this_ Ben, vulnerable and controlled by desire and sex.

“You, Ben”, she answered him, softly, leaning down to his ear. As if his name on her lips was again like a spell to him, she felt his want surge through the Force connection, intensifying her own so much that the gasp that escaped her almost turned into a beg.

Ben went down on his knees and she entangled herself from him. They kneeled on the damp earth, facing each other, but without giving him a chance to act first, Rey pushed Ben and he rocked back to sit on the ground. Rey slid into his lap, her fingers shakily searching for the hem of his tunic. Ben, who had planted his hands on the grass for steadiness, rolled his hip up and for a moment, Rey felt dizzy and entirely forgot what she wanted to do. Ben’s breathing quickened and she felt the muscles in his arms twitch with the effort to keep his hands off her. Eventually, his instincts got the better of him and with a speed that made Rey blink, he had slipped her top over her head. He pushed her fumbling hands away and got rid of his own shirt.

Ben pulled her towards his chest, burying his face in her hair, and she felt her breath hot against the skin of his neck when he bucked up against her, plainly aroused, pushing into her lap with gasps. Rey answered with moving her own hips in rhythm with him, The Force connection droning in her ears, shutting her off from the world.

Ben collapsed to the side, dragging her down with her. He pulled her up, bringing her face level to his. He watched her intensely as he slid a hand between her legs. Rey couldn’t hold back a whimper as she nearly came apart from just this touch. Kicking him back weekly she untangled herself enough to reach down to the waistband of his pants. She unfastened them, doing the same with her own pair and struggled out of the disturbing fabric.

Ben grabbed her by the shoulders and rolled her on her back. He moved over her, straddling her legs and entered her. Rey closed her eyes tight, overwhelmed by the rightness she felt, the way he seemed to fill her up, physically and mentally, and the Force connection seared to a height she had never experienced, surrounding and penetrating both of them. They moved in unison, finding a rhythm instantly. Rey wrapped her arms around his broad back, trying to hold on to him as she felt herself slipping towards completion far too quickly. She dug her nails into his skin, slippery with sweat. And when she heard her name in his gasps, she squeezed her eyes shut and stars exploded behind her eyelids. Rigid in his grasp for a moment, she let the climax wash over her before she joined into Ben’s movements again, faster and faster, and she held him pressed to herself when she felt him fill her with the culmination of his pleasure.

Ben collapsed onto her and Rey quickly turned them to their sides for fear he’d crush one of her ribs. He rolled off her onto his back, throwing his arms out to his sides. His chest heaved, his eyes closed. The sun was high up in the sky and Rey didn’t really feel cold. She still shivered a little for effect and stretched out next to Ben, pillowing her head on his shoulder. Ben flopped one arm lazily over her side, pulling her closer. Rey reached her left arm over his chest, watching her hand rise and fall with his breaths. For a while, they simply rested there, letting their systems cool down and Ben drew slow circled into the sheen of sweat on her side with his forefinger.

“Don’t fall asleep again”, Rey murmured into his skin. He bucked with a soundless laugh. She pressed herself closer to him, throwing one leg over his.

“Why are you really here?” she whispered and the moment she said it, she wished he hadn’t heard. But Ben stirred and dislodged her as he rolled to his side. He robbed down far enough to look her into the eyes. But for once, Rey couldn’t quite identify the emotions swirling in his gaze.

“I know, you said you want to teach me and for the Force connection. But – “ Rey broke off, suddenly feeling unsure how to put this into words. There was something _more_. Something that had hidden in the misty depths of Ben’s mind when he had offered it to her after he had first landed on Ahch-To. It had shown in his eyes when he talked to her, and almost broke through when they made love, when she had first used his name like a spell.

Ben let out a long sigh. He put an arm around her shoulder and pulled her towards him. She snuggled up against his chest, resting her head on his biceps. He buried his nose in her hair, breathing in her scent. And still, he didn’t reply. But this alone was all the answer Rey needed. That she was right, that there was more to Ben turning up like that.

No weapons. No army.

“Because I need you”. His words were almost incomprehensible, mumbled into her hair. But Rey heard them clear enough and she could not help but hold her breath. She blinked into the darkness between his body and the earth and the Force connection flared up so strongly that for a moment, she couldn’t tell his body apart from hers, didn’t know where his soul began and her soul ended.

And like a vision, the Force told Rey all she needed to know.

Her head shot up, her gaze locking with Ben’s. Her heaving breasts brushed against Ben’s skin.

“You need me to save you” she breathed, disbelief riding her words despite the fact that she felt their truth.

Ben averted his eyes from her, as if this was more intimate than their coupling.

“That‘s why you came alone. That’s why you hide yourself from them“. Rey took a breath and pushed herself out of his grasp to better look at him. “Ben…”

He sat up abruptly and rested his forearms on his knees. He didn’t look at her, only stared out to the horizon into a clear-blue sky. He tightened his hands into fists, clenching his jaw.

Ben’s shoulders heaved as he drew in a ragged breath. “Snoke wanted me to deliver you to him. You’ve seen him in my head. There is nothing human left in him. He _is_ darkness”. Rey held her breath. His words were heavy and she knew he had to force himself to tell her this, to _betray_ his mentor-creature to her.

“But _you_ ” he turned to her, studying her face. “The Light Side, the Dark Side, they all have their dogmas. You just _are._ Uncorrupted. Unbent. You pulse like a beacon, impossible to ignore”.

   You understand” Ben continued. “You understand the loneliness. You understand what it feels like when your parents abandon you. You’ve known fear“.

“You’re afraid of Snoke”, Rey said, it wasn’t a question. Their connection was more sensitive than ever, it let her see clearly the nuances of Ben’s emotions and into his mind. Snoke, the creature Ben called his mentor, had seized him by his anger, frustration, hate and fear. He fuelled these emotions, knowing full well that they kept him on the Dark Side. But Snoke himself had no connection to them anymore. He was rotten through with an undefined hatred for every soul, even his own people. He was so bone-deeply corrupted that he didn’t even have the capacity to experience complex emotions.

Ben didn’t react. Fear of not being worthy enough for Vader had turned to fearing his teacher. He hadn’t belonged with the jedis, and now he didn’t belong with the First Order any more, either.

Tentatively, Rey reached out a hand and put it gently on Ben’s tight fist. Reluctantly, he spread his fingers to lace them with hers.

“It’s getting harder to keep Snoke out”, Ben confessed after a while. “I feel him slamming against the edges of my mind. He’s furious”. Ben snorted humorously. “Do you remember what Skywalker said when I came here? How this place is infused with the Light and how the Dark Side has no footing here? Well, it’s working in my favour, at least”.

“Then it’s not save here!” Rey righted herself. “We need to get away from here, all of us!”

“Mh-mh”, Ben mumbled without enthusiasm. He turned to look at her. Worried lines ran across his forehead. He let his eyes travel over her naked body and the lines eased out. Rey flushed as his gaze took her in, shamelessly, possessively. Ben took her face between his hands. “But there’s no rush to leave right _now_ … “. He trailed off as he leaned down to kiss her.

Rey closed her eyes and let him push her back into the grass.

They made unhurried love. The first time had to satisfy their frantic need, pumped up with adrenaline from the fight. Now it was almost gentle.

Ben moved inside her slowly, giving Rey time to explore his body. She marked all the little moles and scars and the bruises she had dealt him during their sparring sessions. She kissed his hair, his brow, his eyelids while he slid in and out of her in a calm, steady rhythm. She pushed him to his back and mounted him at some point, until he grabbed her by the waist and Rey gave a shriek as he flipped their positions effortlessly.

Ben clung to her like a drowning man. He had always held her tight to his body, but now more than ever he buried his nose in the crook of her neck, dug his hands deep into her hair.

When they had spent their passion on each other, she rested her head on his chest again, squinting up into the sun. Their lovemaking had nearly made her forget about their conversation, but now her worries came back to gnaw on her belly.

“Ben, we need to tell Luke”. She turned her head to face him but all she saw was his chin. “How long do you think until the First Order finds you?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know. Not very soon”. But Rey heard the doubt in his voice.

She was reluctant to get up and get dressed. A small guilt still nagged in the back of her mind for enjoying being like this with Ben. So close, with no conditions. She couldn’t remember that anybody ever held her like this. So maybe, she told herself, it was the simple yearning for human contact.

They headed back the way they came and made a brief stop at the lake to wash up.

Walking along the familiar little stream, Rey was just about to crest the last rise when Luke briskly strode towards them. Despite his beard, the anger on Luke’s face was palpable even from a distance.

“ _REY!_ ”

Luke’s voice boomed across the plains, loud enough even to echo off the rocks.

“Oh _kriff”_ Rey whispered. Cold dread washed over her and settled in her stomach.

“What by all the _stars_ did you think you were doing!” Luke had reached them and stood before her, positively towering over them on the rising hillside.

Rey didn’t even have the first idea of what to say, but she opened her mouth anyway for a reply. Ben stood next to her with his arms crossed on his chest.

But Luke didn’t give her any chance to explain. “Do you realise that what you did could be extremely dangerous? For _all_ of us? For the whole planet?”

Rey snapped her jaw close. “Wait, what is this about exactly?” she ventured carefully.

Luke was just about to reply when Ben had the brilliant idea to contribute to their plight with “Since when is sex dangerous for a planet?”.

Rey cringed and had to force herself from hiding her face in her hands.

In hindsight, the look on Luke’s face was maybe even worth it. Fortunately, he recovered quickly. To Rey’s surprise, he dismissed Ben’s comment with an angry wave of his hand. “That will _definitely_ be a matter of discussion for later, nephew. For now” he fixed his padawan with a stare “you explain to me why you _Force-bonded_ with the man who wanted to kill you”.

Rey’s jaw dropped and even Ben reeled back at Luke’s comment.

“Just as I feared” Luke sighed. He seemed to have vented his anger somewhat and did at least not shout at them anymore. “You don’t even know”

\-----------

They sat around the cooking stove. Luke didn’t put on food but only handed both a canteen. Rey sipped her drink half-heartedly, feeling that even simple water would make her sick. She sat hunched over, shoulders pulled up, carefully avoiding both men’s eyes. Luke had never yelled at her like that, had never been this angry; this disappointed.

Ben looked somewhat more dignified, though pensive.

“I stayed on Ahch-To for a reason”, Rey’s master explained after a stretch of silence. “Those aren’t just ancient ruins. Jedis lived here – and they died here. From their spirits, I learned a great deal. And they had a lot to say about Force bonds”. Luke sighed and gave the water in his cup a swirl.

“Master…” Rey ventured haltingly “How did you even know about this Force bond?” _Our Force bond._

Luke fixed his nephew with a dark look. “Don’t forget that Ben is still my blood. Something as significant as forging a bond makes ripples in the Force. I’m sure even his mother felt it”.

“What is so dangerous about it?” Rey asked, feeling a little braver since Luke had apparently transferred his anger to Ben for the moment.

Her master looked tired when he turned to her for his answer. “Because a Force bond connects two jedis intimately. They will not only link their minds, they can also lend one another strength, back the other’s power with their own. They can convey feelings, thoughts, images”. Luke’s eyes became more intent. “A Force bonds ties you to another person, padawan. You can’t walk away from it. You can’t switch it on and off at will. You will influence one another permanently, sometimes without intending to. And you cannot break it without immense costs”.

Rey’s eyes flickered to Ben. _Because I need you_. And she wanted to be needed, for once in her life. Wanted to preserve this man who was no longer Kylo Ren for her. It was like a road that led to the same destination, except that they had both come from opposite directions. And in the middle, when they met, they had created a Force bond without intending to.

“What your master wants to say is this: he fears others will use that bond to get to him” bitterness laced Ben’s voice. Abruptly, he got up and stalked off without another word.

Rey had half risen to follow him when Luke placed an arm on her shoulder. “Leave him be. You and I, we need to talk”

Rey sighed but nodded and settled down again. She crossed her legs and folded her hands in her lap. A sudden sadness washed over her so powerful she had to blink away tears. In the time she had spent with Luke, her affection for him had grown steadily. Rey had never wanted to think of it that way, but she couldn’t deny that she saw the father in him she desperately wanted. Again. Like she did with Han Solo. And what had it gained her? Just when a real future with Han aboard the Millennium Falcon had crystallized before her, that future had been killed by a red light saber.

And now she was sleeping with that man, and their bond could very well bring down the Dark Side’s force on the jedis’ most sacred place. Rey ran a hand over her face, too weary to confront her conflicting emotions.

“Before you say anything, master, please let me tell you this” Rey said, her voice quiet and small. Luke only nodded for her to go on. “The Dark Side almost has Ben’s position. He battles them, keeps us obscured from them, but I know he’s almost ran out of power to keep that up”.

Luke drew a long, sharp breath. “Oh padawan…” he sighed.

“I can feel it. I can feel his exhaustion”

“I don’t doubt for a second that if I felt you two bonding, the Dark Side did too. Whoever Ben’s sith master is, he will almost definitely know where we are now”. Luke crossed his hands in the drooping sleeves of his tunic. “Whatever your feelings are for Ben, promise me not to let your heart rule your reason. I’ve told you enough of jedi history that you should understand the danger of this”.

Rey bit her lip. Yes, letting your emotions guide your actions - it ran in the Skywalker family, didn’t it?

Silence stretched between them. Rey anticipated Luke’s litany of rebukes any moment now. But he simply sat mutely next to her. Insects chirred in the grass around them as day faded into evening.

Eventually, Luke said in a soft voice: “I thought I could make a difference, this time. Thought I knew what we had done wrong with Ben. How we had misjudged him. I didn’t want to rush him, to scare him away – again. But it wasn’t me he needed”. Rey thought she could see Luke give a tiny smile through his rugged beard. Rey felt her heart lift a mile.

He knocked back the rest of water from his canteen. “I guess I should’ve foreseen this, between you and Ben”. He sighed and gave Rey a mildly reproachful look. She felt the heat rise to her cheeks and decided not to comment on it.

Instead she told her master: “I’m going to make sure Ben doesn’t try to kill rocks with his bare hands again”.

It was ridiculously easy to find Ben through their new Force bond. True, the Force connection had always been present as well, but it had felt like a stream of Force that ran between them, persistent, but vague. The bond, however, had engulfed and nullified whatever barriers they had been able to erect

Ben stood on the outcrop where he had landed his TIE fighter, watching the ocean. For some reason, he had his hood up. Rey knew that he felt her approaching but he didn’t turn. She sidled up next to him.

“You’re my damsel in distress now”, she told him, trying to keep her voice light. Ben answered with a snort that sounded like something between amusement and doubt.

“You’re getting a little full of yourself, scavenger”. 

Rey allowed herself a tiny smile and followed his gaze. The sky was tinted in bright colours of purple and crimson and the familiar sound of the sea soothed her; it had become a background noise to her life just like the whisper of the sand on Jakku had. Instinctively, she sent this calm along the Force bond towards Ben. To all the world he might look like he was peacefully watching the waves, but Rey felt his anxiety and the myriad worries and fears that fought for domination.

She rummaged in her pocket and held her hand out to Ben. He turned his head to look at the small, metal square in her palm. It was simple and it had one button.

“It’s a homing beacon. If you press the button, it sends a signal to the Resistance. They will dispatch a ship to this planet”.

Ben studied the beacon for a while. “You let the master of the Knights of Ren call the Resistance for help?”

“Quite frankly, I don’t think they let you be ‘Master of the Knights of Ren’ anymore”

Ben gave her a pointed look, but then the uncertainty broke through on his features. Rey knew what he thought, even without the benefit of their Force bond.

If he pressed that button, he would deliver himself into the hands of the Resistance. If he didn’t, a fleet of First Order ships would descend on them, possibly with every intent to wreak havoc on this planet, but certainly to kill their defect. With two jedis as bonus.

Ben ran his thumb along the edges, silent. So Rey turned and left him alone to his thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're approaching the end of this ride, folks! And Ben finally spilled the beans about why he followed Rey all alone.  
> Also, about Luke on Force bonds: I know that in a novel, Luke himself did share a Force bond with a jedi woman. But I chose to ignore that as canon (as, apparently, this particular novel is no longer considered canon since Episode VII was released). A Force bond is a lovely thing and although I don't think that in the canon of ep 7 Rey and Ben/Kylo Ren will share a Force bond, I hope that it will become a plot device in the future movies (between whomever ... ).


	7. Epilogue

Rey wasn’t feeling entirely herself when the planet’s alarm system went off. It wasn’t that she felt sick or hurt somewhere. It was more like an unbalance of her sense of self.

So Luke’s hand on her shoulder shaking her urgently didn’t even wake her. She’d been drifting in and out of restless sleep for hours.

The three of them met by the work table as the night turned into dawn with an almost-light just starting to illuminating the land.

Ben looked as rumpled as Rey felt. His eyes were swollen and bloodshot. He gave her a dark look. “What the kriff were you fidgeting about all night?” he asked her testily.

Rey winced. They had somewhat gotten used to their Force bond, but hadn’t made any notable progress of controlling it. _Like a torrent whose dam you pulled down together,_ Luke had called it. And like in a river, everything was carried along in its wake. Rey constantly felt Ben’s anxiety, and in turn, Ben had apparently felt her restlessness and it hadn’t let him sleep.

Rey carried her staff and the men the light sabers. They hurried down to the landing outcrop in tense silence. A single ship was approaching, that much Luke’s warning system had told them. Which ship, though, they didn’t know.

Ben had pressed the button the next day that Rey had given him the device. “Under the circumstances, it’s the lesser evil” he had told her, though none too happily.  

Ten days had passed since then. And with luck, it would be a Resistance ship about to break through the atmosphere.

Waiting tersely for any sign in the sky, Rey felt again that strange tilt in reality that she just couldn’t describe. She probed through her body and mind, but it wasn’t anything she felt from Ben through the bond, nor did she seem to carry an illness. But there was something … inside her, something that had a right to be there, and hadn’t been there recently … And then she knew.

“Oh” Rey breathed and she automatically turned to Ben. When their gazes met, Ben’s eyes widened for a second in surprise as it dawned on him and then the Millennium Falcon crashed through the planet’s atmosphere.

The Falcon alighted expertly on the platform. Rey let out a breath she didn’t realize she’d been holding. One ship meant the chances had been in favour of the Resistance, but until the ‘visitors’ were almost on top of their heads, there had been no way to make sure.

The ramp hadn’t even fully touched the ground when Finn jumped down, drawing his blaster at them. Rey was taken aback with a jolt by her friend’s reaction, until she realised what he must see: his arch enemy in their middle.

Rey held up both hands and took a step towards Finn. “It’s fine! It’s OK! I can explain, but please put away that weapon!”.

Behind him, Poe and Chewbacca came into view. As soon as they saw Ben, they tensed up too, hostility on their faces, and Chewbacca let out a low growl. From Ben, she felt a sharp spike of anger and then _traitor!_ as his eyes fixed on Finn. But at least he didn’t draw his weapon.

“Please, let me explain!” Rey pleaded. Finn had lowered his weapon, but his eyes, narrowed to slits, were trained on Ben.

“You bet”, he said “but first we _really_ need to get out of here. There’s at least three Star Destroyers heading your way and fighters keep multiplying on the radar like rabbits”.

Finn still drew Rey into a quick but tight hug once she walked towards him, and then handed her over to Poe and Chewbacca who both almost broke her ribs.

“You have a quite a talent for landing neck-deep in a heap of steaming Bantha-shit, girl” Poe told her when he crushed her against him. But Rey could hear the relief in his voice. Despite the imminent danger at their heels, seeing her friends after months of isolation sent a warm feeling through her.

Chewbacca and Luke shared a long, deep hug and the wookiee gargled something Rey couldn’t understand. But Luke snorted and gave a lopsided smile and a nod. There was a hint of sadness in her master’s eyes.

Poe and Chewbacca took the helm and she, Luke and Ben found seats behind them. Ben had been silent so far, but Rey wasn’t too unhappy about that. To her friends, this man was still Kylo Ren, the one person they would probably like to kill with their bare hands. Rey resisted an urge to reach out to Ben. She felt his tension and also the uncertainty of how to handle this situation.

Poe powered the engines up in a roar and tilted the Falcon up in a steep angle. He must’ve burned through half a tank of fuel as he propelled the ship out into orbit. When they broke through the atmosphere and into the vastness of open space, the radar began to ping like an over-excited droid. Poe cursed under his breath.

“Hyperdrive. _Now_ ” he told Chewbacca and a second later, the Falcon lurched into slight-speed. “With this baby, we can still outrun them” Poe turned around in his seat.

Finn, who had retreated to the back for lack of seats on the bridge, now leaned in the doorway. He had his arms crossed before his chest and glowered at Ben.

“So what’s he doing here?” he asked darkly.

“He-“ Rey started, looking at Ben. “He made a choice” she simply said. Although these people had every right to know why she was all but protecting Kylo Ren, she couldn’t bring herself to simply spill Ben’s reasons. They were too vulnerable. Too private.

“He made the choice to bring down the Dark Side’s finest on you guys, is that what you mean?” Finn sneered.

“Finn! That’s not true!” Rey had gotten up. “Look, let’s head back to base first, OK? It’s not something I can explain while we’re running from a hostile fleet!”

Finn gave them a sceptical look, clearly not satisfied. Rey could tell he was still steaming and would probably like nothing better than to connect his fist with Ben’s face. Except that this would turn out to be a lot more painful for Finn, so she was glad her friend held himself back for now.

“Anyway” Finn said with a sigh “I’m glad we got the _two_ of you off the planet in time”.

“More like the three of them” Ben replied and sounded so smug, Rey shot him a look of alarm.

“I wasn’t including _you_ ” Finn retorted, poison in his voice.

Ben smirked. “I wasn’t including myself either” he told him.

It took Finn almost exactly ten seconds before the meaning behind Ben’s words registered and his face fell.

\--- END.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it, folks! Thank you so much for reading and commenting!  
> And I hope I got across the "little bonus" in the end. Sorry if I endulged myelf here a bit ;). If I'd failed to tell it clear enough: Rey's pregnant (only some days, but she feels it because after all, her and Ben's child carries the genes of two Force sensitive parents. So that baby will probably be a very, very powerful jedi one day). And I really wanted Ben to rub that into Finn's face!


End file.
